A Tiny Seed

Friday, 20 Dec 2002

How can one little tiny Baby change the world?
How can one Person wrapped in flesh and bone touch the hearts
of people 2000 years after He was born?
How can what He has done and the lessons He taught still help us today to learn and deal with life as we know it?
How can that be possible?

Mark 4:30-32
Jesus asked, "How can I describe the Kingdom of God? What story should I use to illustrate it? It is like a tiny mustard seed. Though this is one of the smallest of seeds, it grows to become one of the largest of plants, with long branches where birds can come and find shelter."
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The mustard seed, one of the smallest seeds grows to be one of the largest plants.

A tiny Baby, God's only Son, started as a tiny "seed" and grew into a Person who changed our lives forever. He is the Person who will affect our eternity and each and every day we live on this earth. It doesn't matter if you believe this or not, that doesn't change the Truth. The Truth will not be changed because you choose not to believe it. That, we will all learn some day. Some will be filled with joy, and some will be filled with sorrow and regret. The Truth is, and will always be. We can do with that whatever we choose, for now...

Driving home from work tonight a tape was playing in my car but I was not paying much attention to the songs. I was thinking more about Christmas and how much I miss Phil. I was thinking more about how excited he would be right now with Christmas just around the corner. He loved Christmas, as all children do. Phil was a child at heart even at sixteen. He still loved toys and cartoons and those animated movies that come out that most younger children go to. He would always want to see them, and he would not be embarrassed that he was a teenager there with his mother. I don't think he even thought about it. He just knew what he enjoyed and he enjoyed it despite what some might think. He had a child-like spirit that God loves so much. A spirit whose heart was open to all that God had for him, fully accepting God's Truth, wanting so much to be what God would want him to be but knowing he was a sinner and not worthy of the Kingdom of God.
He knew...
Phil was sick, but not just with Leukemia.
He was sick with "sin".
The sin that we all suffer from, and he sought the Doctor, the One with the cure.

Jesus said in Mark 2:17

"Healthy people don't need a doctor - sick people do.
I have come to call sinners, not those who think they are already good enough."
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Phil knew he was not "good enough." He knew he fell short of the perfection that God desires of those who enter into heaven, and it concerned him. The last day of his life he told me that he was afraid that he would get to heaven and God would not let him in. That there would be something that would keep him out. It's moments like those that we NEED Jesus, that we need that tiny Baby, that we need the help that only the Son of God can give us. He has the key to the door of heaven, and He is the only One who does. When we are standing at that door, the door of heaven, we NEED to know Who has the key. We need to know before we get there. Before we cross that threshold. Phil knew that, and he knew Jesus, and he wanted in.

The ONLY answer I had for my young son as he asked me such a difficult question about entering into heaven was Jesus, the One and Only! What other answer was there to give him at that moment? None. The only way to reassure him that nothing would keep him out of heaven was telling him more about Jesus. And so I did. I told him about the thief on the cross, the sinner, the "sick" person who needed a doctor at that crucial moment when he would be crossing over into eternity. I told him the story of the criminal hanging beside Jesus on the cross.

Luke 23:39-43
One of the criminals hanging beside him scoffed, "So you're the Messiah, are you?
Prove it by saving yourself - and us, too, while you're at it!"
But the other criminal protested, "Don't you fear God even when you are dying?
We deserve to die for our evil deeds, but this man hasn't done anything wrong."
Then he said, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your Kingdom."
And Jesus replied, "I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise."
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I told Phil about this man on the cross next to Jesus and how he simply turned to Jesus and asked Him to remember him when He arrived in heaven, and how Jesus assured him that today he would be with Him in paradise. What else can a mother do when her son looks at her and asks such a question? Is there a more difficult question on the face of this earth?

Mom, will God let me into heaven?...That's what he was asking...that's what he was asking...

And now I sit here today in Pleasanton, California, without my son again this Christmas.
I drive home from work thinking about how much I miss him during this special season.
My heart breaks from the pain of missing him and being without him on Christmas morning and I can only find comfort in one thing, in one Person, the Person of Jesus Christ.

You may think I am passionate about my God, about my faith in Jesus Christ, about eternity. And you may think that as much as you'd like, because I am! This is Christmas, the time of joy and celebration, and my heart aches from the missing.
What else do I cling to if not my Lord?
Will any present bought bring me joy?
Will any celebration take away the fact that someone I love has died?
Will anything fill up the hole that was left?
I think not, and so I am serious.

Phil was a wonderful young man. When I read my Bible and I read about the fruit of the Spirit, it makes me think of Phil. The Bible says when someone is filled with the Spirit of God, they will become a new creation. When a person believes and accepts God's truth and God's Spirit comes to live in them, they will bear fruit, but not the kind you eat, it's the kind that draws you to another person because they are a joy to be around.

Galatians 5:22-23
But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us:
love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
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Phil shared his love with us every day in every way.
His joy was evident in his child-like heart as he lived each day fully.
His peace reigned even on his darkest days.
He was patient through all treatments and down days.
His kindness spilled onto us each day.
He was filled with goodness for all people.
His faithfulness for God never wavered.
He was as gentle as any person I've ever known.
And his self-control was matured way beyond his years.

Phil exhibited the fruit of the Spirit and yet he knew he was a sinner. He was humbled to think that when he left this earth, God would allow him to enter into heaven.
Humbled and wanting only that.
To be with God.

On the drive home from work tonight, I thought of my son and I thought of my God, and I knew that my focus must remain on God alone or I would never survive this fully. It is much too great of a loss. Anyone who has walked in similar shoes knows this. It is way too permanent to be able to embrace it fully without being in God's full embrace when our arms are empty of someone we love. It is so devastating that if my focus does not remain completely on God, I can see nothing else. The torturous lies of the enemy will devour me at any second. The enemy will take me down into that pit and I will never come back out again.
It is so devastating that now I must learn something new...God is teaching me that as much as I want to see my son again, as much as I need to see my son again, even that can be a distraction if I focus on seeing Phil again instead of desiring to see my Father in heaven alone.
If I were to never see Phil again, if heaven's door was locked to him, I am asked by God to love Him so much that I would trust Him with even that.
That is hard.
That is a process.
That can only be accomplished because God's love surpasses all things and He fills my heart to the point that I can live without the thought of ever seeing my son again if I have God, because He is bigger than even that.
Wow...how can that be possible? But it's where I need to be.
God help me...

People flocked around Jesus. They saw what He was capable of, and they could not be kept away. In the second Chapter of Mark it talks about Jesus returning to Capernaum. It says that "the news of his arrival spread quickly through the town," and "soon the house where he was staying was so packed with visitors that there wasn't room for one more person, not even outside the door. And He preached the word to them." And still they came... What were they seeking? The same thing Phil was seeking on his final day on this earth...Hope.
The same thing I seek when I miss my son beyond what words can describe.
I seek Hope.

The radio continued to play on my drive home although I didn't hear the songs or the words. I was elsewhere in my thinking until I turned the last corner toward home. Then the words to the song being sung suddenly caught my attention. The words were, "No more than a heartbeat away"... It was talking about God not being more than a heartbeat away, but I heard them in a new way. Yes, God is no more than a heartbeat away anytime we need Him. Anytime we call out to Him, but there's more...feel your heart beating in your chest? Each beat, so very important. Each beat is what keeps us here for another minute, another hour, another day or month or year. But each beat is only a heartbeat away from coming face to face with God. If this beat...right NOW, was our last, we would be at the gates of heaven as of this minute, and we have absolutely no control over that unless we decide to take our own lives and yet even in that God is ultimately still in control.

Recently I told you about a little boy suffering from cancer. Well, he has gone "home". He didn't want to. I was told that he fought it until that last beat of his heart. But my friend who knew him said she realized through all of that, that no matter how much we desire to stay, when it is our time, it is our time. I agreed with her and also added that no matter how much we desire to go, we must stay until it is our time. No matter the hurt in our heart, we are here for a reason, and we will stay until God calls us home. The choice is not ours. The timing is God's, and He knows each beat of our heart. What we need to realize is that we are "No more than a heartbeat away". That is all. Each beat is precious, each minute is valuable, and each decision we make will either take us closer to heaven's door or not.

The truth is that Phil was not good enough for heaven, even though he was a wonderful example of the fruit of the Spirit showing in his life. The truth is that none of us are good enough for heaven and none of us are so bad that we will be kept out. The truth is that Jesus is the way to heaven and He alone holds the key. That is why people flocked to Him when He walked this earth...He was their only Hope, and He is our only Hope.

Mark 3:28-30
"I assure you that any sin can be forgiven, including blasphemy; but anyone who blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven. It is an eternal sin."
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We can be forgiven of anything, if we will simply ask for forgiveness and accept what Jesus Christ has done for us on the cross. But if you reject what God did for you when He sent His One and only Son to this earth, that cannot be forgiven. There will be no key waiting at the door of heaven and the door will be locked. Just as locked as our hearts are here when we refuse to let Jesus into our lives. If we won't let Him in here, He will not let us in there.

Revelation 3:20-21
"Look! Here I stand at the door and knock. If you hear me calling and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal as friends. I will invite everyone who is victorious to sit with me on my throne, just as I was victorious and sat with my Father on his throne.
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When we invite Jesus into our hearts, He will in turn invite us into His throne room in heaven! There is no other way! Jesus is the way!

John 14:6
Jesus told him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life.
No one can come to the Father except through me.
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Egotistical?
No, just the Creator of the Universe!
Our Creator, and the answer to all of life's questions!

Questions like the one Phil asked me the day he died about being allowed into heaven or not. A difficult question? Not when I knew the answer and could comfort him with it. As a mother, I would have paid a million dollars to be able to have an answer to comfort my son in that moment, but I didn't have a million dollars and I didn't need a million dollars. Jesus Christ paid for that answer with His life, and He gave me that answer free of charge, because He loves us all that much!

Is anything on this earth worth more than that? I think not! That's why we are asked to love Him above all else, to trust Him above all else, and to focus on Him above everything and everyone we will ever know. His ways are perfect and someday we will understand them and we will be okay with it all, even if we never see our loved ones again because they locked the door to their heart here on earth and the door to heaven was then locked when they arrived.

Jim and I just got back from Phoenix. We flew there on Monday, picked up our new truck and drove back to Pleasanton by Wednesday night. This new truck was bought specifically to haul around our new home, the one we have on order that will be finished in March. Our new fifth-wheeler, which we will move into and live in full-time as soon as possible. Exciting? Yes? A bit crazy? Perhaps! But it is what our future holds as far as we can see right now. We don't know what tomorrow holds, and we have learned to trust God with it.

Some may think this RV-ing plan is a good idea because a change would be good. Keep busy, change your life, change your surroundings, that's healthy. Perhaps it is, but what I find most is that it changes nothing. That big shiny new truck does not change my heart, my missing and my future without Phil. It might change my surroundings and it might distract me for a moment, but inside I know...
I will always know...
that Phil is gone.

Driving down the road toward home from Phoenix there was excitement for the new adventure that is ahead, but I also fully realized that this truck was nothing more than a big hunk of metal. Nothing more than cold hard steel, and that there was nothing about this truck that would take away any portion of my heartache if not for God's love. And I also knew that Jim and I would not be sitting in this truck tooling down this highway if not for God, because God provides all things in our lives. The gratitude I felt in my heart as we traveled toward home was not for the truck as a truck, but the truck as a future that God was blessing us with. The hand of God on our lives as He guides us into the life He has for us. It has nothing to do with the truck or the fifth wheeler but it has everything to do with His path and the journey He has us on. Without that, it would only be miles and scenery and lots of fuel bills. (Jim tells me it's "fuel" now that it's diesel, not gasoline!)
They would be empty miles and empty smiles and empty days without God in our lives.

Jesus tells many stories in the Bible and one story He tells is about a farmer planting some seed. (Mark 4:3) He talks about the different types of soil that the seed lands on. Some soil is rock hard, some soil is shallow, some soil is filled with thorns, and some soil is fertile and produces a great crop. Then Jesus goes on to tell what all this means, and when He talks about the soil with the thorns He says this:

Mark 4:18-19
"The thorny ground represents those who hear and accept the Good News, but all too quickly the message is crowded out by the cares of this life, the lure of wealth, and the desire for nice things, so no crop is produced."
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So many of us get caught in that trap. We start out good, we start out strong for the Kingdom of God, but then we get distracted. We get caught up in that "hunk of metal" going down the road and we get busy driving it and fueling it and enjoying it and we forget where our starting point was. We forget how far we've come with God to get to that point, and we think we're on our own now!! We don't need God anymore. Let's leave the past behind and forge ahead into the future.

I don't want to do that! I want to do what it says in verse 20 of Mark 4:

"But the good soil represents those who hear and accept God's message and produce a huge harvest - thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times as much as had been planted."
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There was the mustard seed that started so small and grows so large. There is the seed planted in Mary that produced the Savior of the world. There is the seed planted in our hearts that hopefully lands on fertile soil and does not get distracted with the things of this world, but instead produces a huge harvest for God.

A seed has been planted in me and sometimes it gets uncomfortable. Sometimes it feels to me like it is trying to push its way out of the ground, and in the meantime I squirm and twist and turn wondering what will sprout up next. I know that this is God teaching me how better to live this life, how better to trust His ways, and how very much He loves me no matter what. He is teaching me that there is nothing I can know for sure except that He loves me and that eternity is promised only to those who allow His seed to be planted in their hearts.

I pray that God's seed grew in Phil's heart and that when he arrived at heaven's door, it was unlocked by the very hand of Jesus as He welcomed Phil into his new home. That I pray, and I hope that in Phil's life I was able to help plant that seed by sharing God's love with him, just as I pray that I am able to help plant some seeds in the lives of those who may be reading these messages or watching my life. Perhaps they will see God's love for them through it all and find that Jesus has the key to heaven's door.

Bottom line, we are all only a heartbeat away from our eternity and God is calling us all individually to accept His gift or not.
Give yourself the greatest gift ever this Christmas, even if there is no other gift under the tree for you, or even if you don't have a tree, you can give yourself the gift of heaven.
Jesus was born just for you!
Jesus died just for you!
Jesus is waiting just for you!

Open your heart and receive Him!

Colossians 2:6-7
So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.
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Living in His peace,
Diane