The Pruning Season

Tuesday, 02 Jul 2002

Psalm 150:6
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.
Praise the Lord.
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Thank God for this minute...just this minute. That is all we have at one time. In the next minute the phone could ring...what might the news be? In the next minute we could have discovered a lump that will change the path of our lives. In the next minute the plane we are on could develop engine problems that would quickly change our thinking about the small bag of peanuts we just received, to meeting God face to face. I don't mean to be morbid here, but most of us have experienced something that changed the minute we are in now, to the last minute that we felt that way for a long time, if ever again.

We did. You probably have. It might not mean your life is over, but it will mean that how you will experience this life will change forever. Why do we even think that we are the only ones this will not happen to? Why do we think that when it does happen to us, it shouldn't have? Why? Because we are human beings with a limited view of God's plan for our lives. We think about the small little space of time that our lives encompass as being something much larger. We think that we are invincible, that we will never actually die, or that it is so far off in the future, it really is not worth thinking about. Or maybe we do think about it, and it causes such fear, we can't think about it. So many reasons why we do the things we do. There is no single answer for any of it...or is there?

What is the single most important answer that we need to know..."Let everything that has breath praise the Lord." The One who made us, who knows us inside and out, who knows what lies behind and already knows what's up ahead. The One who knows who we will need to come along side us in this life, and what lessons we will need in this life to help us learn what is important. Do we want to know what tomorrow holds really? But God does know, and Jesus knew when he walked this earth.

Something I heard recently, which I had never thought about, was that Jesus could read about His future in the Old Testament. He could pull out a scroll and read about His life and about His death. Why had I never thought about that? It seems a simple conclusion, but one that had slipped past my thinking. I don't want to be able to do that. I would not have wanted to know when Phil was born, that 10½ years later he would get Leukemia, and then 5½ years later that he would die from it. We don't want to know things like that, at least, I don't.

It may seem strange, but when I walk through the parks and I see the young families pushing their children on the swings or in their strollers and holding them up to get a drink from the water fountain, I think about what lies ahead in their future. I remember being in the park with our boys, especially Phil because he loved playgrounds so much and he was the youngest so the memories are more fresh. I remember him going down the slides and drinking from the fountains and running with the other children. Not a care in the world. And as his mother, I never thought how precious that time was because he would be sick one day soon and those days would end. Of course I didn't think about that, and of course these families in the parks don't think about that. That would be crazy. They never think that those years with their children might someday be all that they have. But I think about it, unfortunately. And I watch them and I hope that they never have to deal with losing one of their children. They look so young and so innocent...and now I am not.

Jim and I were driving to Fresno a few months ago and we drove through fields and fields of grapes. Jim likes to take a more back road to Fresno, instead of the freeway. As we drove through those grape vineyards I looked at the different ages of the grapes that were growing. Some were on vines that were straight as an arrow, thin, without a gnarl. Some were a bit thicker and starting to twist and turn a bit, a gnarl here and there, having been around a bit longer. Then there were the "old timers" as I thought of them. They were very thick, with many twists and turns in the vine, and there were gnarls and crevices and signs of having been through many types of weather conditions perhaps. So mature looking, and yet so strong looking too. It seemed a strong wind would blow the thin new vines right over, but it looked as if nothing could move the more mature ones. Not even a mighty wind.

Being the strange person that I am, of course I brought this up in our discussion as we drove along. I said, "Jim, if you were one of these grape vines, which one would you be. Which one do you relate to the most?". Now Jim, knowing me well, was kind and understanding with such a strange question and instead of saying, "What are you talking about? What could you possibly be thinking?", he asked me which one I thought I related to. Good answer Jim! :) Figure out what the little woman is driving at before plunging in and getting all wet!!

Anyway, we talked about the different levels of maturity in the vines and I could see my Grandma in the very mature ones, the life she had led, the things she had experienced that made her the person she was when I knew her best, in her final years. Joy and peace would be a good way to describe what I saw in her. She had been through so much and there was not much that would move in a strong wind at that point. I know she probably looked forward to going "home" and seeing those she had lost, but lived a joyous life waiting to get there.

Then I looked at the thin, straight ones and I thought of our boys, just starting out their lives, having not experienced a whole lot, although with Phil they have experienced things that most young people have not. Those vines were so fresh and so young and so innocent looking. Their whole fruit bearing lives were still ahead of them.

And of course, I felt like the vine that had grown a bit thicker (no pun intended), with some twists and turns, some gnarls and cracks, some fruit bearing behind, but really right in the midst of fruit bearing years perhaps. (Fruit bearing, not child-bearing! HA) Enough to know better, but still not knowing enough.

But the truth is, the Bible talks about Jesus being the vine and we are the branches.

John 15:5
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him,
he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
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That's really good to know, because if there were a vine that represented Jesus out in that field, it would be the most mature, all-knowing, wise, gnarled, "been there" type of vine around. It would truly stand out in any vineyard. My "Grandma's" vine wouldn't even compare! And all we are asked to do is to remain in Him. To stay attached to His Vine and let his energy and experience flow through us. If we don't, we're not going to make it.

John 15:6
If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown away into the fire and burned.
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I know that feeling of withering. I know what it feels like to disconnect myself from the True Vine and try to breathe on my own...it doesn't work. I start to wither and feel the breath being sucked right out of me. I feel tired and worn and in need of nourishment. I feel the need for God in my life!!

He is the vine, He is the nourishment, He is the answer to what I am needing. Nothing else is! Nothing! Other things can help, other people can help, other sources of information can help, our GriefShare group can help, but only God can heal. The rest just helps me keep my focus on Him.

Many of you know the book, "Secrets of the Vine" by Bruce Wilkinson. In there it says:

Page 99: "You'll feel God tugging on you only for so long. Your crisis of unhappiness is very important. If you don't breakthrough now, you might never do so."

Wow, that speaks to me! It says that if this experience with Phil being sick and then losing him doesn't give me a breakthrough with God, perhaps nothing ever will. I think that's why I feel such a strong desire to not let Phil's life be wasted. Not only because I want his life to have counted for something, something eternal, but because this is what God had planned for my life and for some reason it was necessary and if I turn my back on it, if I walk away from God because I don't fully understand it, I will probably be missing out on the most important thing in my life. God did not make Phil sick, He did not make Phil die, that comes from the fallen world we live in, but He allowed it knowing that no matter how terrible it was, good could come out of it. He could use it for His Kingdom work, and He could use me also, if I was willing. I am willing.

I just want to be a branch, connected to the Vine of Jesus. I don't want to have to be the vine that feels the weight of the world on my shoulders. I want to be held up there in the sunshine and let Him flow into me, giving me life. As a branch, I understand that there will be "pruning" and that it will hurt, but because of that pruning, I will grow stronger, I will be more productive, I will accomplish what I was put here to do.

Snip, snip, snip...as they come down the row of grapes cutting away what needs to be cut away, bracing up what seems to have slipped a bit, getting the branches ready for their "work"...makes me think what do they do with the vine? I don't really know, but does it need any adjustment in it's later years? The Vine is set, strong and steady, it's the branches that need the constant work, the constant pruning...and we complain, "Youch!!, that hurts! I don't like that! Why does that have to happen? Why can't I just be left alone? Why here? Why now? Why not later, or never? Do I deserve this treatment? Couldn't I have lived without it?"

Could we have? Or would we have withered and died and been thrown into the fire and burned? Ummm, what does that remind you of? A place I never want to end up!!

I don't like this pruning just as much as anyone else! It hurts! I don't like that I walk through parks now and think of young children in terms of what is in their future, and what their parents will do if such a tragedy strikes them.
I don't like that I need a grief group on Monday night because I have lost someone most precious to me.
I don't like that the simple question "Do you have children?" becomes a complicated emotional answer.
I don't like that fun seems wrong and sadness seems right.
I don't like that Phil hasn't seen the yearbook that sits on his bed because his picture is in the back of it...in the memorial section.
I don't like a lot of things about this, but there are things I do like.

I do like that I will never be the same again because I can use this "crisis of unhappiness" as a breakthrough.
I do like that Phil is safe and secure and there are so many things in this world that he will never have to deal with.
I do like that God is my refuge and that I don't have to do this alone.
I do like that my perspective on this world has totally changed, making it possible to have peace in the midst of trials.
I do like that God gave me a precious gift in my son, and He knows the reason why He had to leave, even if I don't.
I do like that I can trust God completely because He loves me more than anyone.
I do like that the pruning season doesn't last forever, but it is an opportunity for great growth!
I do like that God let's me write about all of this!!

Breathe in, breathe out...only possible with God!
Truly living again after losing your child...only possible with God!

To be a branch

This pruning isn't easy Lord
It hurts, each snip you take
I don't really care for this season
Of my life, but what's at stake
Is learning to lean on You
Or going it on my own
Learning that You only
Hold the power for what is sown
Will I rest in your care
And seek your will in this
Or will I follow my own path
Fight against instead of with
You and all you're offering
It seems an easy choice
But no choice is that easy
When we hear the enemy's voice
Help me focus on you Lord
And the promises You gave
Never let me veer away
Thinking I know a better way
You are the one true Gardener
Knowing which branch to cut
Or prune back just a little
You alone know just how much
Each and everyone of us
Can bear each day we live
Keep a watch over me
Tend to me as I give
My life completely to You
In You I will remain
You are the Vine, I am the branch
I will call upon Your name

Romans 10:11-13
As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame." For there is no difference between the Jew and Gentile - the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."
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Have a great day!
Love, Diane