The Road We're On

Saturday, 12 Oct 2002

"we came around the corner in our RV and fell into a huge pot hole. HUGE!"

That was my dream! The one I shared with you in the last e-mail. We were just driving along, we came around the corner and there it was, the hole in the road.

The pit, I now call it, because I was reading the Psalms and came across this:

Psalm 57:6
My enemies have set a trap for me.
I am weary from distress.
They have dug a deep pit in my path,
but they themselves have fallen into it.
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When I read that I remembered my dream and I realized what the "pit" is that I am looking at right now. It is Phil's 17th birthday on Wednesday. His first one in heaven.
It looms ahead like a huge pit that we are heading towards. A huge pit in the road of our lives that there is no way around. We must go toward it and it just might consume us...there is no detour. October 16th is on the calender. Has been for thousands of years, and will continue to be so. We can't change it, like not having a 13th floor in a building because it is bad luck?!!
Oh, why not?!!

So around the corner we come and there it sits in our way. It's HUGE!
Heaven help us!

Psalm 57:2-3
I cry out to God Most High,
to God who will fulfill his purpose for me.
He will send help from heaven to save me,
rescuing me from those who are out to get me.
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Will God save us from the pit? In my dream I threw my arms up into the air and said "Here I come God!". I rested in God, willing to be taken home by Him. Surrendering myself to Him, and guess what? In my dream:

"... I hit the bottom. My back hit, and then my head and it went dark...and then I woke up in the hospital. Alive."

I was alive.
The pit had not killed me.
The fall had not killed me.
The sudden stop at the bottom had not killed me.
The pit was not avoided, but it held no danger. When my fear of falling into it was given up into the hands of God, He rescued me.

Will it be the same this week?
Will it be the same when we come to Wednesday.
Will our stomachs feel as if we are falling in mid-air because when we wake up we will not have Phil there to say Happy Birthday to him?
Will we remember to put our hands in the air and release the day to God, for whatever He has in store for us?
Will God rescue us?
I believe He will. I already see signs of it. I already see what He has planned for us this week to help keep our focus on Him. Plans for our future, His timing that is perfect and help from all sides to keep us from succumbing to the darkness even though right now the lions are lurking.

Psalm 57:4
I am surrounded by fierce lions who greedily
devour human prey - whose teeth pierce
like spears and arrows, and whose tongues cut like swords.
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I sat at my desk on Friday and my eyes would go to our family picture taken in Hawaii. I would look at Phil's face and my heart would melt. My eyes would tear up and my mind would wander. The darkness wanted to devour me. To take me down.
I would refocus on where Phil is now and how wonderful heaven must be for him.

I came home and thought of his birthday list from last year and how I shopped for him and his joy on that day to be bowling with his friend and his brothers. Bowling, less than one month before he died. I think he bowled his best games ever! He had a good time.
The tears came, and I felt the spears and arrows piercing my heart. Making me "bleed".
I refocused and asked God for help.

The story of Joseph in the Bible came to mind thinking of how he was thrown into a pit by his brothers who were jealous of him, so I turned to read about him and I saw this verse as I flipped through my Bible:

Deuteronomy 5:33
Stay on the path that the Lord your God has commanded you to follow.
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You mean the one with the pit?!! Okay, God.

Then I went on to Genesis to read about Joseph and the pit, and guess what? It was about Joseph's dreams!  His story is quite long in Genesis so I thumbed through it, reading portions, and then I went back to the beginning of his story where I read:

Genesis 37:2
When Joseph was seventeen years old, he often tended his
father's flocks with his half brothers,
the sons of his father's wives Bilhah and Zilpah.
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Okay God, I didn't know that! I didn't know that he was 17 years old, the same as Phil would be on Wednesday. That's how old Joseph was when his brothers wanted to kill him, and when they threw him into the pit, and when they decided to sell him into slavery.

You're really getting my attention now God!

Genesis 37:19
"Here comes that dreamer!" they exclaimed. "Come on, let's
kill him and throw him into a deep pit.
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The pit they threw him into was usually used to store water, but it was empty at that time. Then a caravan of camels came toward them with a group of traders so his brothers pulled Joseph out of the pit and sold him for twenty pieces of silver.

My attention at this point was drawn away from my own pit of pain and I was drawn into the story of Joseph. His life, his family, his misfortunes and fortunes at God's hand. At his father's mourning for missing his son and how Joseph's bad situation was completely under God's control, even though it might not have seemed that way at the time. To be able to read the story from beginning to end, it is a clear picture. It is good to read. It is good because we cannot see a clear picture as yet in our lives, and we may never see it, but we know that God is in control and there is a complete picture that does make sense. He is guiding us through this, and along this path, and even towards those pits in our life. It isn't a mistake. But, they do not have to destroy us. God will rescue us right out of them.

I came home from work Friday night feeling a bit like this:

Psalm 107:26-28
Their ships were tossed to the heavens and sank again to the depths;
the sailors cringed in terror.
They reeled and staggered like drunkards and were at their wit's end.
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Have you ever wanted to crawl right out of your skin? That's what I thought about. Just let me out of here, I don't want to do this anymore. It hurts too much. I can't stand it! But God knows that! That's why He wrote the Psalms.

Psalm 57:1
Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy!
I look to you for protection.
I will hide beneath the shadow of your wings
until this violent storm is past.
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I read that out loud to Jim and he sighed and nodded his head. We want to hide out until this storm has passed. We know it's coming but we don't want to go there. We want to veer around this pit that has been dug for us by the evil one in this world.
We will take the next few days until this storm has passed and we will hide beneath the shadow of God's wings. I can feel his protection from it all. I felt it Friday night. I feel it today.

Psalm 107:28-30
"Lord, help!" they cried in their trouble,
and he saved them from their distress.
He calmed the storm to a whisper and stilled the waves.
What a blessing was that stillness as he brought them safely into harbor!
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Isaiah 26:3
You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you,
whose thoughts are fixed on you!
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Do you believe that? It is true! I have felt such peace today because I have crawled under His protective wings. It doesn't mean that the storm is not still raging. The 16th is still coming, the pit is still there, we can't veer around it, but we can be carried through it. The problem arises when I take my head out from under His wings to take a look around. To see what's going on. To take a look at this world for just a peek and then just that peek can bring on a downpour of emotions. Normal emotions, sometimes needing to be vented, but not needing to be drowned in.

Isaiah 35:4
Say to those who are afraid, "Be strong, and do not fear, for
your God is coming to destroy your enemies. He is coming to save you."
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Do you know who your enemy is? If you don't, you might lose the battle. God is not your enemy, the devil is. The devil brings on the destruction and then he wants you to look at it so that you will become a part of it. He can't take us all out of this world, but he will attempt to destroy us while we are here. His road to destruction has many pitfalls in it. Many things that can entangle us and cause us such heartache. There is a road that doesn't though. In the Bible it is called the "Highway of Holiness" (New Living Translation)

Isaiah 35:8-10
And a main road will go through that once deserted land. It will be named the Highway of Holiness. Evil-hearted people will never travel on it. It will be only for those who walk in God's ways; fools will never walk there. Lions will not lurk along its course, and there will be no other dangers. Only the redeemed will follow it. Those who have been ransomed by the Lord will return to Jerusalem, singing songs of everlasting joy. Sorrow and mourning will disappear, and they will be overcome with joy and gladness.
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I wrote "Amen" after this in my Bible. I'm sure you don't wonder why!!

There will be no lions lurking there, no dangers, and sorrow and mourning will disappear!
I'm there!! Count me in God! These roads with the huge pits in them are for the pits! I don't like the lions that lurk and the arrows that pierce. I know this is the road we have on earth, but You have something much better planned for us. It makes me think about the Jetsons. Remember that old TV show? Didn't their cars just glide through the air? They never felt the bumps and divots that we feel on our roads. I want to glide through life like that. On God's air, above the rough spots.
Can I God?
Is it possible when my focus is on You alone?
Is it possible if I don't even peek out from under Your wings, but just stay there protected by You?
I want to try. I want to be kept in perfect peace when my situation is not peaceful. I want You to calm the storm to a whisper. I will still hear it, I will still know it's there but it will not be deafening to my ears!

The pit that Joseph was thrown into usually held water. If it had, his brothers could not have used it to try and get rid of him. In Isaiah 35:6-7 where it talks about the Highway of Holiness it says:

Springs will gush forth in the wilderness, and streams will water the desert. The parched ground will become a pool, and springs of water will satisfy the thirsty land. Marsh grass and reeds and rushes will flourish where desert jackals once lived.
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"I remember the sides of the pit being green..."  (My dream)

Isaiah 35:2
Yes, there will be an abundance of flowers and singing and joy!
The deserts will become as green as the mountains of Lebanon,
as lovely as Mount Carmel's pastures and the plain of Sharon.
There the Lord will display his glory, the splendor of our God.
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Our pit does not have to be black and dark and scary! It was green in my dream! It can be "green" while I'm awake! Not parched, but filled with God's living water. A pool to satisfy me when I am thirsty along the road of life. God is waiting with a cool cup of His water to help me on the journey.

Psalm 57:7-8
My heart is confident in you, O God;
no wonder I can sing your praises!
Wake up, my soul!
Wake up, O harp and lyre!
I will waken the dawn with my song.
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On the days leading up to Phil's birthday, we will spend them under the protection of God's wings. The day of Phil's birthday, we will wake up with memories of our son, of the special gift that he is to us, and we will wake up praising God, confident that He will see us through a most difficult day. I will listen for the birds outside our window in Tahoe, singing God's praises in the morning!

This is what Joseph told his brothers when they feared he would pay them back for all the evil they did to him:

Genesis 50:20
As far as I am concerned, God turned into good what you meant for evil.
He brought me to the high position I have today so I could save the lives of many people.
No, don't be afraid.
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I won't be afraid either, and Jim won't, and I hope our boys won't. What was meant for evil, God will use for good by those of us who love Him. We love God and we serve Him and we will allow Him to turn this very difficult situation into something good.

We are not the first to be in this position, nor will we be the last. There are so many that I have spoken with lately who have similar emotions they are dealing with right now. Missing loved ones, having to go through birthdays without them here, and feeling the loss so much on those days. God knew we would experience these things in our lives, but He never meant for us to experience them alone...without His help.

Psalm 55:22
Give your burdens to the Lord,
and he will take care of you.
He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.
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No matter how deep the pit, no matter how dark it may seem, God will light it up and it will shine "green" with the display of His glory, because His living water will be nourishing you!

We thank you for your prayers!

Living in His peace,
Diane