Watch closely...God at work!

Wednesday, 17 Apr 2002

Where was God? Where was God on 9-11? Where was God the night Phil died? Where is He now... God, that is? Don't a lot of people ask that question? Don't we all at times?

So where is He...?

Isaiah 65:1-3
"I revealed myself to those who did not ask for me; I was found by those who did not seek me.
To a nation that did not call on my name, I said, 'Here am I, here am I.'
All day long I have held out my hands to an obstinate people, who walk in ways not good,
pursuing their own imaginations - a people who continually provoke me to my very face" -
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God is here, He has always been here and He will always be here. Are we looking for Him? Are we seeking Him? Are we calling on His name? Are we pursuing Him, or our own plans and dreams? Did you know that He can be found even when we are not seeking Him? This verse made me think about that. Before I became a Christian, I'm not sure that I was seeking God. I think I was a little interested, although I would not admit it. I wanted God even though I didn't know Him, but if you'd asked me, I would have said I didn't....and don't talk to me about it. What was that?.... :) Yes, I was actually listening, but I would have said I wasn't.

It was God calling to me, revealing Himself to me before I even knew I longed for Him. He was there all the time. I just didn't know it. I was obstinate, proud, living my own life. Why would I need God? But I did. I do now, more than ever.

And where was God on the night Phil died? Right here, with us. In more ways than I even realized. Taking care of things I might never have noticed, but the more I grow and learn about God, the more He reveals how He cares for us, even when we aren't paying attention. Even before we are grateful for His help, because He loves us that much. He doesn't require a "thank you", but I'm sure He's happy when He gets one. He doesn't even require an acknowledgement, but I'm sure He's happy when we notice Him. He doesn't ask anything of us except that we love Him, but even with that, so many of us don't love God and He doesn't wait until we do before He's willing to help us and to be there for us. We may ignore Him our whole lives, right up until the day we die, and only then have we lost Him completely. God won't force us to love Him, but when we see Him on our last day, every knee will bow. He won't force us to bow, we will do so automatically because of who He is. The choice will be a non-issue. God is God and there will be no doubt about it. There won't be a doubting Thomas in heaven. We will see the nail scars in Jesus' hands and feet. Our time of decision making will have ended, and the time of God's full glory being revealed will have begun.

But what do we do here on earth before that day comes? How do we find God in this crazy world we live in? In the trials and tribulations that come into our lives, and even the happy and wonderful days in our lives? How do we see God when prayers seem unanswered and children die and planes crash and wars are fought and people are starving? I think we see Him in all the little things that so many times go unnoticed. They go unnoticed only because we are not watching for them. We are not looking for God, we are distracted by the world, and missing out on all that He is doing for us and around us and through us. This came to light for me more clearly the other day when I was once again being attacked by the evil one, yes, the devil! He does exist! He started attacking me once again with all the things that I should have done the night Phil died, the things I should have said, the "how could you's?" and the "what kind of mother are you anyway?" type of thoughts. The thoughts that will destroy a person if they are allowed to remain. I prayed to God for help once again, as these thoughts, this battle, in my mind raged. As I prayed, God swooped in and asked me to take another look at that last evening, from His point of view. Now, I know some of you are probably wondering just how God does that, but that's a difficult one to explain. Prayer and the way God fights our spiritual battles for us is a wonderful thing! Most of it is done in our very own minds and understanding this scripture...

1 John 4:4
But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won
your fight with these false prophets, because the
Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world.
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So there I was, being filled with all these terrible thoughts about that last night and God says "whoa, look at it this way", so to speak.

The devil's lies and deceptions: "How could you just go to sleep next to Phil that night, knowing he might not wake up in the morning? Why did you not wrap your arms around him, tell him how much you loved him and would miss him? What kind of mother are you?"

God: "Remember the prayer you prayed that last day? You told me that you didn't know how long this would go on, whether it would be a day or a month or perhaps Phil would have total healing and he wouldn't be going home at all? But you asked me to give you strength to remain by Phil's bedside for as long as was needed."

Me: "Oh, yeah, I remember that. Even though others might have clearly seen that Phil was dying, as his mother, I didn't really know that. It was probably a protective fog that You placed around me giving me peace that transcends understanding during that difficult time. And I did wrap my arms around Phil. I tried to warm his body as it seemed to shiver from cold, but he asked me not to, he said I was too heavy. It was probably because he was trying to leave and how could he if I was wrapped around him."

The devil: "How could you sit there calmly by his bed, holding his hand that day, when your child was dying? Why weren't you fighting this terrible disease? Why weren't you pouring more chemo into his body? Don't you love your son? Why weren't you fighting?!!"

God: "Remember when you prayed for direction and lightening bolts to know My will for further treatment for Phil? Remember those "lightening bolts" I sent, and the peace you felt when you made the decision along with Jim and Phil that the chemo would be stopped? Remember that Phil almost died at that time, but when you sought My direction and took that step of faith, Phil started feeling so much better and enjoyed more than a year of life without chemo?"

Me: "Yes, I remember. I remember that sense of peace when the decision was made and how before we even discussed it with Phil, he got up the next morning feeling better, and how we talked with him about it sitting at McDonald's that day and I told him we were going to stop the chemo and he was so happy! I then told him that it meant he might have only 3 months without chemo, but he could have maybe a year with it. What would he like to do and he said, he'd like the three months without chemo...and when he prayed about it, he also felt God was telling him to stop the chemo."

The devil: "But where was God the night Phil died?!!"

God: "Remember where I was? I was with you, in Phil's room. Remember when Phil's breathing was so loud and you thought you should maybe give him a pill to calm him down and you got up out of his bed to go and get him a drink of water? When you went to the door, Chris was standing right there. Who brought him to the door right at that moment? Phil had been breathing loudly for almost two hours, but Chris was right there at that very moment. What made him even stay home that night when he always went out in the evening? What brought him to Phil's door just as you stepped outside of it so that you could ask him to go and get that drink of water? And who changed your mind right then, because you didn't ask him for the drink of water but instead said to him 'Chris, go get Dad'. Why did you say that? Then as you turned and went back into Phil's room, what happened? What did Phil say to you? What would you have missed had you left his room?"

Me: "Phil said, 'Mom, it feels like God is healing me. My cold is going away. I'll feel good in the morning'. And I said, 'I love you Phil', and he said, 'I love you Mom'.

God: "Why do you think that was?"

Me: "Because you wanted those to be the last words we spoke to each other."

God: "And I kept you in his room because I didn't want you to miss Phil's healing before he left this earth, and I wanted you to be with him like you had requested and I wanted Jim and Chris to be there too so I kept Chris home that night and had him there to go get Jim, and then I took Phil home painlessly and feeling better than he had felt in 5½ years, and I was there, I was there, I was there!!!! Always!"

Me: "You were there every second God, and I see you so clearly now that you have reminded me of these things. Your timing was perfect, your plan was perfect, your love surrounded us, and it always will."

The devil: ...............nothing but silence

Me: Deep breath, he's gone, the lies have stopped for now....

God's Word:

2 Chronicles:20:15
"This is what the Lord says: Do not be afraid! Don't be discouraged by this mighty army,
for the battle is not yours, but God's."

Matthew 28:20
---"And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age."
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Sometimes we know God is with us, and sometimes He is busy at work when we think we are on our own. Sometimes it's not until later that things are revealed and His goodness and care for us shines through. The devil would like to torture us and make us believe that God has deserted us in our times of great trouble, but if we look closely, we will see the hand of God on all things, and especially during those difficult times. It's during those times when we don't really have the time to think, the time to make decisions, to call the shots because the emotions are running so high and the stakes are so high, that God is most active. I think it is during those times that God's protective fog shields us from what the enemy would like to do and God helps us do what needs to be done. I wasn't thinking clearly the last few days of Phil's life. I was living through a time when it would have been impossible without God to put one foot in front of the other, as I watched my child in his bed dying from Leukemia. I did silly things like the laundry, and I remember putting the clothes in Phil's drawer and telling him, "See Phil, I'm doing your laundry and I'm not even crying. God is going to take care of us like He always has." (We're going to be fine) Only with the strength of God could a mother say something like that to her dying child. Phil needed to be reassured that it was okay to leave us behind. He needed that, and God provided that.

God provides, God watches over and God answers our prayers. It is in His timing and in His way, but His way is perfect. I know that! I have seen that!

Don't listen to the lies. They will only take you down and destroy you! They have almost destroyed me at times, but when I call out to God, He rescues me and He will continue to do so.

These "conversations" with the devil and God go on daily in my life, as they probably do in yours. It doesn't take something this catastrophic to be caught up in the lies and deceptions that the evil one would like to destroy us with. The devil wants us to think that God is not in control, that things are chaotic and there is no order to this world. But, there is perfect order to this world, and one day we will see that. Until then, we just have to trust that it is so, but....we can also witness some of it if we are watching God work. Watch closely...God is a joy to behold!

Have a great day!

Love, Diane