Choice

Sat, 26 Jan 2002

Is all of life a choice? Do the choices we make affect everything we do and everything we say? Do we think that things are forced upon us, and that we have no choice in the matter? Is that true? Things happen, for sure. Phil got Leukemia and God took him home. There's no denying that. But maybe our choice is how we will react to these things. We have that choice. Will we let the hard times destroy us? I don't believe they have to. We may think there is no way out of "this one", but there is always a way out. God says there is.

1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

What does that tell me? It tells me that nothing I am experiencing is new to this world. Others have felt exactly as I am feeling, others have walked this road of pain, and others have made a choice to either accept God's help, or not. I know the difference. I know the times when I try to make it on my own, and I know how that feels. I also know the times when I turn to God and ask Him for His help. Lately I've been looking at it like a suitcase full of things that becomes too heavy for me to carry. So I load it all up with all the grief and the pain and the heartache and the stress and the fear and I get it all packed up and carry it to God. Then I unpack it all at His feet, leaving it all there with Him. Before I leave though, I replace all that junk with God's love and his peace and his wisdom and his gentleness and his joy, and that is what I carry away. It is much lighter than what I hauled in there, and it helps me in my travels. He makes the trip easier, even though the path is exactly the same. The choice I make is to let Him help me, to let Him lighten the load on my journey.

What else does it tell me? It tells me that God is faithful. He knows exactly what we can bear, and what we can't. He is that wise! You may think it is too much, but it's not. I may think that I can't bear living without Phil, but I can. And deep inside I know I can, if I will let God help me with this loss. I also know I can't bear it, if I don't let God help me with it. Oh, I may keep walking and talking, and it may look like I'm "living", but I will be dead inside. That is not the choice I want to make. I want to live fully, not halfway. When I am tempted to sink down deep, and wallow in my misery, I know that God will provide a way of escape out of there if I ask Him. I know, because He has, over and over again. This is not a one-time deal. This is not a "God help me", and then for the rest of my life I'm good to go. This is a moment-by-moment journey, and yes, it is work. Grief work. But what is my choice? Exactly that, a choice. Will I sink or will I swim? Peter walked on water because he got out of the boat and walked toward Jesus. He didn't sit there cowering in his fear.

Matthew 14:27-31
But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."
"Lord, if it's you, " Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."
"Come," he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.

Peter made a choice. He got out of the boat and walked toward Jesus in the middle of the storm.

Yes, he started to sink, as we all do at times, but look who saved him. Jesus didn't let him drown, He reached out to him. God won't let me drown here; I know that for sure. Why? Because I've started to sink many times, and each and every time He rescues me when I call to Him.

As time goes on, I probably won't start to sink so easily for two reasons. One, my faith is growing every day, and two; the storm won't be raging quite so hard as time passes. This storm will pass and the sea will become calm again. There will be more storms, I'm sure, but they will not all be as violent as this one is. This is a tough one.

After Jesus reached out his hand and caught Peter, he said "You of little faith, why did you doubt?"

Why do we doubt and start to sink? Why do I? I wish I knew. I wish I knew why after all that God has done for me personally, why sometimes I choose to sink. But I do have those times, when the thorn in my side seems too painful and I wonder if I can go on. When the human side of me wants to make the choice for misery instead of victory. That is where the work comes in, turning to God, turning to God, and turning to God. That is the work, that is the choice. That is all He asks of us. He does the rest, for us and through us, if we will allow Him to. God is faithful.

Joshua 24:15
"But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve...But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord."

The more people I talk to, the more I realize all the hurt and all the pain in this world. No one can avoid it forever. It touches everyone at some point in our lives, but God is bigger than all of it. This is the God I know. This is the God I trust. This is the God I put my faith in. Others may want to argue that my thinking is wrong, my belief is wrong, and that is fine. We all need to find our own path to God, to search Him out and see if His promises are true. I have done that. In 1 Timothy 1:5 it says: "The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith". My faith is sincere. My goal is love, and my hope is in the risen Lord. My search is over. I am fully confident that when my days on this earth are through, I will kneel before the throne of God and not be disappointed. If you are still searching, or if you have found what you believe is true, I hope you are willing to trust your eternal soul on that decision. I am. I am more confident each step of the way, that God is God. Even in the midst of my heartache and loss, there is a Master plan, a reason for all things and it will one day be revealed and I will understand. If God has called me to write my way through this heartache, sharing this journey with those who are willing to listen, that is what I will do. If He is asking me to "speak His word with great boldness" (Acts 4:29), then I will. If this is my last day on this earth, then I hope I will leave behind in my wake those who will be moved by these words, enough to search them out for themselves. If you are living for what this world can offer you, take another look around. It is fleeting, it is perishable, it will pass away whether we want it to or not. Phil's life slowly slipped away, right before my very eyes. There was no stopping it no matter how much I would have liked to. There is no reversing it now that it is done. One minute he was here, the next he was not. What was left was just the shell that housed him for his 16 years. Where did he go? Where we are all going. To face God. To answer to Him for our life here on earth. Did we choose Him, or did we not? Did we choose the things of this world over the love of God?

Phil didn't. He chose God, even when it might have seemed to Him that he had been abandoned with all his suffering. He still chose God. Even in the last week of his life, when it looked like the end was drawing near. What did he do? He drew near to God. Will he be rewarded for that? I know he will.

Matthew 16:27
For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father's glory with his angels,
and then he will reward each person according to what he has done.

Phil chose God. He chose to follow Him through all his suffering, through all his questioning, through all he had to endure. It was not easy for him, as it is not easy for me now, but it is a choice that we must make.

Whatever you decide, I pray you are confident in where it is leading you. I pray your eternal soul is at peace with your decision because someday you will leave this earth. I pray you know where you are going.

Lord, I choose You! I will not let the evil in this world rule my life! I will not let lies and deceptions be my god, causing me to sink into that bottomless pit causing me to lose my focus on your eternal hope and salvation!

Psalm 34:6
This poor man called, and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles.

He can, He will. He is!

Love, Diane