Have You Ever?

Saturday, 23 Feb 2002

Have you ever heard of the book of Zephaniah? It's close to the end of the Old Testament. I can't say I have, maybe it is vaguely familiar, maybe my memory is not what it used to be. I am over 40!!

Anyway, it's there in the Bible. It only has three chapters, and it's probably not the most exciting reading, in fact it paints a pretty dark picture of the end times. Is this what you want to start your day with?!

How did I happen upon it this morning? Do you really want to hear this sad tale? If so, read on.

As my heart catches up with my head, it has become heavier. The last few days I have not felt so good, and I have felt tired. Okay, just more so than normal! But this morning, I woke with a lighter feeling inside. It was quite noticeable, and I was pleased, to say the least. I even woke earlier than I normally do on a Saturday, so I decided to get up and get some coffee, then return to bed for some quiet time with my cup of coffee.

Down the hall I went, but I stopped...and I turned into Phil's room....why would I want to do that when I was just feeling better? I went in, and I longed to smell him, to draw him in, so I put my face down to his comforter and breathed in his scent. My heart ached and the tears began to fall. I turned to his dresser and picked up his watch, the one he so happily bought in Hawaii in April. I could not let it go, I gripped it, as the tears just poured out, unstoppable. It took awhile before I could put the watch back down and make my way into the kitchen for my coffee. Continuing to cry, I got my cup, heated the water, put in the International powder I like, opened the door for Phil's dog to be able to go out, and made my way back to my bedroom, an emotional mess! What had I done to myself? Why had I opened this floodgate when the morning had started out so good?!! Why would anyone do that? I really don't know.

Upon returning to bed, I set my coffee down and grabbed my Bible. Not that I could read it, because I couldn't see through the tears! I opened it, but couldn't focus. Once again, I cried out to God at this point, calling for His help, knowing I needed rescuing. Yes, I was drowning in my tears, and needed a life preserver to be tossed to me! I couldn't pray, I could only call for help! It did not take long for that help to arrive. My eyes started to focus on a small cross that we have hung on the wall at the foot of our bed. One Jim has had since before we ever met. Just a simple metal cross about 10 inches tall. When my eyes fell on that cross, this peace filled me almost instantly and the tears stopped. I could not take my eyes off of it for quite a long time. I didn't want to, because it had transformed my agony so quickly. I didn't want to let it go from my sight.

I then stopped calling for help, because I no longer needed it, but started thanking God for helping me. Once again, pulled from the dark pit, and placed back on higher ground. You may say, how can that be so, how can looking at that cross change everything so quickly? I don't have all the answers, I only know what is, and that is what I share with you. Mainly because God was once again teaching me that when we call upon Him, He will be found by us.

Finally, I reached for my cup of coffee, figuring I could drink it while I gazed upon the cross, so I did that, and then when my coffee was finished I was ready to look away and I looked where I had opened my Bible up to in my flood of tears. It was Zephaniah. I started reading, asking God to speak to me through His word, even though it didn't seem like the most appropriate place to be reading. Normally, I turn to the Psalms, but I just kept reading, and then....I read chapter three. Let me share with you what I found there:

Verse 17
"The Lord your God is with you,
    he is mighty to save
He will take great delight in you,
     he will quiet you with his love,
      he will rejoice over you with singing."

In the book of Zephaniah!!! After all the doom and gloom painted in chapters one and two, God rescues! Just as He had rescued me! He had thrown down his life preserver in the form of a cross, because I was drowning in my puddle of tears, and He had saved me. As I read "he will quiet you with his love", that is exactly what He did. He quieted my sobbing with the love that was shown on the cross. Even if I didn't understand all that as it was happening this morning, that is what he did, explaining it to me later in Zephaniah.

Is God singing? I don't know, I can't say as I hear Him, but my heart is now! Do you know how comforting it is to know that when my heart is breaking and I think I can't stand another minute of this pain, God will provide a way of escape just by calling out to Him. Does this still amaze me? Yes it does, and I am more in awe of God each and every time it happens. I get to that point of suffering, and in that agony I think that I am going down this time, never to emerge again, and I am rescued! I just want to let you know that! :)

Down further in Zephaniah 3 it says:

Verse 18
"The sorrows for the appointed feasts
     I will remove from you;
      they are a burden and a reproach to you."

To me that means that all my sorrow for all the things that I feel I am missing in the coming years, Phil's graduation from high school or even college, his wedding day, the children he may have had, the uncle he would have been to Jimm and Chris' children, the life he would have enjoyed...

God will take care of all of that. The things that I thought were going to happen in Phil's life, and the sorrow that that brings me, will be removed by God. It won't matter in the end.

Verse 20
At that time I will gather you;
     at that time I will bring you home.
I will give you honor and praise
     among all the people of the earth
when I restore your fortunes
     before your very eyes.

God will bring me home, and all that has been taken from me on this earth, my fortunes, which are not money and possessions but those that I love, will be restored to me right before my very eyes. A friend recently wrote to me and said she would like to be there to witness my reunion with Phil. I enjoyed that thought, that she just may be there to witness that. I know she will be among those resurrected, but she may be so busy greeting those she knows who have gone on ahead of her, she won't have time for my reunions! :)

I just glanced at the clock and it is only 9:12. It reminds me of that Army commercial that says they do more before 9:00 a.m. than most people do all day! I laugh. Normally, I don't do much before noon! But today, God met me in my morning once again, and taught me before the day even began that He is mighty to save. That I can walk through the rest of this day transformed by His love, filled with His peace, and able to face this sorrow one more day. Phil would be glad to know that the God He lives with in Heaven is taking care of his mom on this earth until we are reunited. I think he must know that, but I won't know until I get there myself.

Have a wonderful Saturday! Thanks for sharing my morning with me.

Love, Diane