You Are Invited!

Saturday, 30 Nov 2002

"A man prepared a great feast and sent out many invitations. When all was ready, he sent his servant around to notify the guests that it was time for them to come. But they all began making excuses..."
Luke 14:16-17
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We were invited for a great feast on Thanksgiving. Well actually, I don't know how much we were invited and how much you just know that if the family is cooking somewhere, you're invited. We were at Jim's sister's and brother-in-law's house for the great feast. And a great feast it was! You know, too much food for anyone to eat, but what is Thanksgiving without great leftovers? And what is the benefit that comes from serving this feast? The leftovers are left at YOUR house!!

So we gathered in Sanger, a town in the Central Valley of California and feasted. It had been awhile since we had done this because our holidays have been pretty quiet the last couple of years. We preferred to be at home as Phil's health was failing and then with his home-going, we liked the quiet of the holidays instead of the hustle and bustle outside our door. It was good, and we have many wonderful memories of those holidays, but it was time to venture out. I felt God calling us outside our comfort zone and back into the world, even if that world contains things that can pierce our hearts and cause us to flinch from the whizzing of the arrows attempting to penetrate the tender areas that can be so vulnerable when we leave the shell of protection found in our home.

Time to venture out, so we did.
Was it because we wanted to? I didn't...if you had asked me, I would have told you my first choice was to stay home. My first choice was to be where it was quiet and where I didn't have to face the cold hard realization that Jim's sister has her four boys with her, and we only have two, with one missing now. Her boys are almost exactly the same ages as ours only they had twins in the middle. Yes, I think about that. I think how unfair it might seem that she gets to keep all four, and  we had to give one up. We had to say good-bye for now, and live each holiday with that empty chair.

I had a nice talk with Phil's cousin, the one he hung out with. The one close to his age. We talked of his college and his plans to become a pilot and how he has started wearing glasses in this last year. Phil wore glasses... Phil's cousin Erik stands 6'4" now, and I wonder how tall Phil would have been. We talked, and I enjoyed the time with him, treasuring the moment because it was a "taste" of Phil. A drawing close to my own son through someone else's because they shared this life together. Erik spent many hours with Phil when he first became ill in 1996. Phil and I were living in Fresno as Jim continued working and keeping things going in our home in Germany. Erik would sit quietly with Phil and watch TV, or on the better days, they would join my brother in constructing a race car track out in the country. Erik would come and swim with Phil and just be his friend as well as his cousin, since Phil had left all his friends behind in Germany. He was a pal and probably a much needed relief for Phil from the sickness he had to bear during that time. God gave him a cousin as a special comfort I'm sure. He was a special blessing to Phil then, and to me now. Perhaps that is why God called me out of my own home this Thanksgiving...

Luke 14:18
....But they all began making excuses. One said he had just bought a field and wanted to inspect it, so he asked to be excused. Another said he had just bought five pair of oxen and wanted to try them out. Another had just been married, so he said he couldn't come.
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And my son died last year, so I think I'll need to stay home...

Yes, there was a time for that, and there came the time to stop with those excuses and GO! To rejoin the world, the family, and feast with them. Just as this story told by Jesus illustrates that to me on this earth, it more importantly is an illustration of God calling us to His great feast. His heavenly feast, the one that so many refuse to attend because of whatever reason.

Luke 14:21
"The servant returned and told his master what they had said. His master was angry and said,
'Go quickly into the streets and alleys of the city and invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, and the blind."
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If we won't attend God's "feast" when invited, the invitation will be passed to others. Those perhaps realizing their need for it. Maybe not the poor, the crippled, the lame, and the blind, but perhaps the brokenhearted, the depressed, the alcoholic, the lonely. Perhaps those who have it all but still realize their need for the invitation and welcome it. Those who want to feast at God's "table", to enjoy all that He has prepared and who are hungry for His Word, His help, His comfort. It is what we are all invited to, but it is what so many refuse because they are busy or just don't feel the need.

God "invited" me out of my comfort zone this Thanksgiving. He said, "Come", and I knew deep inside that no matter what my heart actually felt, I needed to listen and go.

Luke 14:35
"Anyone who is willing to hear should listen and understand!"
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I heard the call, I listened to it and even when I didn't fully understand what the reason was, I just asked God to help me understand. Sometimes that understanding seems to only come after the obedience has been completed. I see it all in retrospect now, and it is good. God was with me every step of the way. Even when my human flesh wanted to refuse, wanted to just pass over the day as any ordinary day and rebel against celebrating anything at all, my spirit won this battle and listened to the call of God, and He blessed me for it. He allowed me to sit with Erik and "taste" Phil. He allowed me to experience His protection once again when it seemed the arrows of the enemy would take me down as they attempted to penetrate the already sore emotional places in my life. Those places where I am most vulnerable, and the those places of vulnerability that really rise to the surface on the most difficult days like the holidays.

I was thinking about the holidays on the drive to the valley. I was thinking that a normal day in the grief walk, a normal day living without Phil, is like walking on water. It is a miracle just to get through it without sinking into the pit of despair. It is like getting out of the boat each morning, focusing on Jesus in front of me and walking toward Him, knowing that if I lose my focus, I will sink and be over my head in a pit of despair before I even see it coming.

Then....we have a holiday like Thanksgiving, or Christmas, or any day that means family and togetherness and celebration. A day when Phil's absence will scream and shout into my ear! HE'S NOT HERE!!

It is like stepping out of the boat into a swelling sea of twenty-foot waves. The wind is blustering, the salt water is stinging my eyes and the dark clouds overhead attempt to block out any sun that is there. I step out of the boat and look for Jesus as the huge waves attempt to keep taking Him from my view.
The huge waves of what was, of what could have been, and of loneliness and desperation that try to knock me off my feet.
Try to block my view of anything good and true and hopeful,
and the temptation is to get back into the boat,
crawl under the covers and wait out the storm.

But then God offers an "invitation"....will you join me at the great feast?
To share in the Kingdom of Heaven right here on this earth?
And I have to decide, will I make an excuse and crawl under the covers, or will I get out of bed, step onto that stormy sea and walk towards Him...experiencing His miracle that shines even more brightly when the waves seem twenty feet high and all the world and all the stories I have ever heard say "You will sink! Don't even attempt this!"

Oh, what do we do on days like that? Do we get out of the boat and walk or do we stay in the boat and refuse the call of God? It's a tough choice because one seems safe and secure and the other seems scary and difficult.

In retrospect...the more difficult path is the one that leads to blessings and joy and hope. Accepting God's "invitation" is where the "party" is!! It is where He wants us to be every day of our lives, especially when everything in us says "No, I won't go", but we listen to Him over all that noise and confusion and go anyway.

That is when He can really work in our lives.
That is when He can show us just how powerful and loving and caring and compassionate He really is. Sure, we can feel that compassion under our covers, and I have, but I never feel it more powerfully than when I do what everything inside of me says not to.
Because it's then that God is calling me,
and it's then that He shows me how Mighty He is in the midst of the storm.

When God starts something, He intends to finish it. When Phil became ill in 1996, God started something that He knew would either draw us closer to Him, or something that would cause us to turn our backs on Him for awhile, or perhaps for the rest of our lives. Of course, God already knew which way we would go, but we didn't.
Each day has been a choice, a decision to attend the "feast" or not.
To welcome the "invitation" or not.
Each day stands alone in our walk with Him.
Each day is provided for by Him, but we make the decision whether we will accept His provision or refuse it.
Will we walk this course until it leads us through the gates of heaven or will we veer away and follow our own course?

Jesus says:
And you cannot be my disciple if you do not carry your own cross and follow me.
Luke 14:27
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Our "cross" has been heavy at times, very heavy. It is one that we have had to accept without knowing all the reasons why, without seeing the finish line, but accept it we do.
Do we like it?
No we don't!!
Just the other night I poured my heart out to God and told Him how much I hate this, but how much I love Him. I cried out to Him how much I don't want to do this, how much I miss Phil, how much I don't want to do Thanksgiving without Phil! I told Him exactly how I felt, but also, before, during and after I thanked Him and praised Him and told Him how very much I love Him, because I do.
I don't like this!
I hate this!
But I love God!
And I know that this is "my cross" to bear.  And I have, and I am, and I will continue to do so until I meet my Lord face to face and see the full and perfect picture He was creating.
He has asked me to follow Him, to join Him at the feast, and I will not refuse His invitation.

Luke 14:28-30
"But don't begin until you count the cost. For who would begin construction of a building, without first getting estimates and then checking to see if there is enough money to pay the bills? Otherwise, you might complete only the foundation before running out of funds. And then how everyone would laugh at you! They would say, "There's the person who started that building and ran out of money before it was finished!"
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God has started something here, and the foundation has been built. Our faith has been established like never before and our trust in our Creator is greater than it has ever been. The cost for us seems high, the life of our son, the missing of him each day, but what God has started, He will finish, and we will finish strong in Him!

Philippians 1:6
And I am sure that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on that day when Christ Jesus comes back again.
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Someday, it will be finished. Someday we will join Him in the real, everlasting feast of Heaven and all that God has begun will be finished in a glorious celebration in Heaven! Until that time, we need to hang with Him, so to speak. We need to carry our cross and follow Him wherever He calls us, even if that means He calls us to crawl out from underneath the covers and celebrate a day that we would rather not because it hurts more to celebrate it than to ignore it.

"Salt is good for seasoning. But if it loses its flavor, how do you make it salty again?"
Luke 14:34
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Turkey and gravy and dressing need salt. It flavors it and makes it all the more delicious! It brings out the best in the food and makes us want probably more than our bodies actually need to survive, if you catch my drift?!  Oh, how those Thanksgiving dinners can call for a nap soon after, while the football games drift into the background of our snoring!!

God calls us to be His salt in this world. To flavor the days with something more than busyness and preparations for the holidays, instead to pour His goodness and His hope and His "flavor" on everyone we come in contact with each day we live. When asked what I was most thankful for the other day at work, my answer was that I was thankful for God's great healing power and hope that He has given to us.

When the heart has been taken to a place that it was never meant to go before the fall in the Garden of Eden, it needs something way beyond what this world can provide. It needs the healing touch of the One who created it, our Father God. It needs all that He can offer and all that He promises for each day we live, and it needs the Hope that only He can give. The Hope that is found in eternity with Him and all those we have had to say good-bye to.

Heaven is part of my world here. My son lives there now and spends his holidays there now, feasting at the table of our Lord. Phil was invited, and Phil accepted the invitation to come when he accepted Jesus into his heart and gave his life to Him. Because He accepted that invitation, and I have also, someday we will feast at the same table again in heaven.
That is the hope I live with.
That's the hope that gets me out from under those covers and helps me celebrate the holidays without Phil sitting close to me at the table here on earth.
It is the hope that gives me joy and peace and pleasure in talking with his cousin Erik, thankful that God left me with a taste of Phil on this earth. A little bit of salt, poured out by God into my life to give each day His delicious flavor of heaven.

My prayer is that as I live each day, I can be that salt for someone else.
I can be that taste of heaven they might be looking for.
I can live out the hope that has been given to me for someone that might have lost that hope because they have lost what is most precious to them for awhile.

The only way I can do that is to come when I am called. To go when I am instructed, and to enjoy all of God's blessings every day I live, even on the holidays when the waves of despair would like to drown me in sorrow and self pity. Of course the enemy would like to see me drown instead of step out, because he knows when I step out in faith, I will never be disappointed in my God. The enemy has to "catch me" before I take that step because he knows once it's taken, he has lost the battle once again. God's blessings will so overshadow anything the enemy can do, he must retreat until another opportunity arises where he thinks I might be vulnerable.
When it does, he will then get out his bow, put in his arrow and point it to the place in my life that might hurt the most. The arrow will fly directly toward that tender spot and just before it penetrates, God's mighty armor will deflect it away from causing the damage intended.

A final word: Be strong with the Lord's mighty power. Put on all of God's armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies and tricks of the Devil. For we are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood, but against the evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against those mighty powers of darkness who rule this world, and against wicked spirits in the heavenly realms. Use every piece of God's armor to resist the enemy in the time of evil, so that after the battle you will still be standing firm.
Ephesians 6:10-13
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Yes, I put on God's armor, especially on the holidays. The devil has strategies and tricks that he will play with our lives, with our minds and with our emotions. We're not fighting against things we can see, but we are fighting against an unseen world, believe it or not. When we do battle as God calls us to, with His mighty power, we will be standing firm after the battle.

After the "battle of Thanksgiving" you might call it, or the "battle of the birthday", or the "battle of the first anniversary" of a loved ones home-going, you can be standing strong. The enemy has limited power. God's is unlimited! I choose God's side. I'll walk with Him and I'll attend any "feast" He calls me to, because I don't want to miss out on the blessings He has for me here on earth or in heaven at that great and glorious feast that awaits. The feast where Phil will be sitting close by and all the "why's" and "what's" and "if only's" will not matter any more.

I'll say, "Pass the salt please, Phil"
and we will smile at one another,
as we sit at the table of the King,
enjoying all that He has prepared for us!!

Luke 14:15
Hearing this, a man sitting at the table with Jesus exclaimed,
"What a privilege it would be to have a share in the Kingdom of God!"

Jesus replied with this illustration:

"A man prepared a great feast and sent out many invitations...
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Don't forget to RSVP!!!

Living in His peace,
Diane