The Woman In The Mirror

Sat, 09 Mar 2002

For some reason I woke up this morning thinking about the title of that movie "The Mirror Has Two Faces". Maybe it was because I like Barbra Streisand, maybe it was because God wanted to take me to that verse about the mirror in the Bible and learn something new. I didn't know fully why He directed me to that verse until I was finishing this e-mail you're about to read. This morning I just turned to that verse in the Bible and prayerfully studied it. In the last paragraph of this e-mail, you'll see the blessing from God because He took me there. For now, here's the verse and what I learned from it.

James 1:22-24
And remember, it is a message to obey, not just to listen to. If you don't obey, you are only fooling yourself. For if you just listen and don't obey, it is like looking at your face in a mirror but doing nothing to improve your appearance.

That is the New Living Translation out of my new LARGE PRINT Bible! :) Yes, I am that old.

In my NIV Bible it says:

James 1:22-24
Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.
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What was God trying to teach me this morning by taking me to that verse? A verse that has always confused me a bit. What does forgetting what he looks like mean, and how could he possibly forget what he looks like?

Back up a bit in verse 21 it says:

So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly
accept the message God has planted in your hearts,
for it is strong enough to save your souls.
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I like that..."strong enough to save your souls". I need some saving around here. This whole grief walk can take me under fast! I'm always looking to God to be saved from drowning in it.

So I thought about the mirror, and about looking in the mirror, about God's reflection and about how it says in verse 25:

But if you keep looking steadily into God's perfect law - the law that sets you free - and if you do what it says and don't forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.
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And it started to sink in and make sense to me. If I can humbly accept what God has planted in my heart, His perfect law, the law of love, then it will set me free from feeling so horrible right now.

If I can keep my focus on what I see in the "mirror", not forgetting all that God has taught me and is teaching me, not forgetting what that looks like and all that God has promised, doing what God says, obeying what He's asked me to do, then I will be blessed.

But, if I should look into that "mirror", knowing what the truth is, seeing it plainly, having learned about the love of God and His promises, and then just as quickly forget it when I walk away, I will not be free. I will only be fooling myself. I will still be doing it, whatever it is, on my own, in my own strength, and be sucked into all the filth and evil that wants to capture my mind and destroy the joy God is so willing to give to me.

Does that make sense to you? Maybe that is one reason I have been struggling more lately? Maybe I was trying to keep my head above water by swimming on my own too much, and God had allowed it, to help me learn once again that He is the only one who has the strength I am needing. Even to try this on my own, just a little bit, is not necessary. He has everything I am needing for each day I live. This is nothing new to Him. It is only new to me. He has all the answers to all my questions. Some I may not hear until I leave this earth, but some of them He will teach me along the way if I listen. The minute I try to walk this road alone, I will be exactly that, alone. He will not try to run up and catch me, stop me, or beg to help me. He will allow me to do what I must, whatever way I choose to go. His is the perfect law of love, and there is complete freedom in it. To choose Him and His help, or not. It's not a one-time choice but a lifetime adventure of choosing Him every single step of the way. Choosing to obey and remember the reflection in the mirror of what He's taught me, or not.

My grief journey is maturing, it is changing, and will continue to change I am sure, for the rest of my life. It goes from one phase to the next phase to the next, and I never know what tomorrow will be like, or later today even. I don't know what comes next. I don't know if it gets even harder, or if this is the bottom and I can go up from here. If I'm at the bottom, how long will I remain here? And is this in God's plan, this pain, or is this not His plan at all? Maybe this is simply what the "world" expects? What the human side of me accepts as normal? If I never took my eyes off the perfect law of love, "looking steadily into" it, would I avoid all this pain? Or at least a great deal of it? Is that even humanly possible? Didn't Jesus even sweat great drops of blood in the garden the night before He was to be crucified, asking if it was possible for this cup to be taken from him? He said:

Matthew 26:38
"My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. - "
verse 39:
He went on a little farther and fell face down on the ground, praying,
"My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me.
Yet I want your will, not mine."
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The human side of Him suffered. He didn't want to die a painful death, but He did, for us. Because it was all part of God's plan.

I don't want to feel this pain either. I don't want to have to live without Phil. But, I know it's part of God's perfect plan. I know it is. I know one day I will see the full picture and it will all make sense. I can rest in that. That is what I see in the "mirror". I see that when I "humbly accept the message God has planted" in my heart, it does set me free from the pain. How do I stay focused like that 100 percent of the time?! That is probably what God is teaching me and will continue to teach me as long as I live on this earth!

Even though Jesus looked like a prisoner and was treated like one, being put to death on the cross, He was free. They had no control over Him because they, those that arrested Him and put Him to death, could only do what God allowed, and nothing more. God said that not one of His bones would be broken while He hung on the cross, to bring on a faster death, and they weren't. He had already died when they came along to break His legs. This looked like a tragedy, but it was a perfect plan for our redemption.

Phil's death looks like a tragedy, but somehow, someway, it fits into God's perfect plan. Now my only question is, how do I survive it and heal properly? Because I really want to! I know that Philip would want me to. He wouldn't want me to be feeling the pain that I feel. I know that! He was so tenderhearted, and so considerate, I pay him no honor when I grieve heavily for him. But I am a mother. I'm torn between what my flesh feels, and what my spirit knows. I'm torn between what I see at first glance in the mirror, the world's view of this, and what I see if I stand and steadily look into the truth that I know. That Phil is safe and happy in heaven. That all his needs are met. That this separation is only temporary and for some reason, it is a necessary part of our lives. I don't want to miss out on all that God is calling me to do. As much as I want this "cup of suffering" to be taken from me, I don't, because I trust that there is good reason for it.

The woman in the mirror is me, but that's not what I want to see. I want to look past the appearance of my brokenness as a Mother and see what God is calling me to see. I want to hold onto His promises even when I'm drowning in my tears, and come up on the other side of this sinking ship like a buoy that has been held under water against its will. I want to pop up out of the water of grief and then settle back into a gentle rocking on the top of the sea and rest in the buoyancy of God. Knowing the water below can be dark and deep and threatening, but not having to fear it because of the hope that I have in the Son that surrounds me.

On Phil's grave marker it says: "You are planted in our hearts forever". We just got a notice in the mail today that it has been delivered to the cemetery and we should contact them to see when it will be set in place.

Ohhhhhhhh.....!!!! Here it is! Here is a blessing that was promised by looking steadily into His perfect law today. When I read this verse this morning in James 1:21, and it talked about the mirror and God's message being planted in our hearts, it was tied together! Once again, it is God's perfect timing to demonstrate to us that He is in control of all things. It is never a mistake or a coincidence, but all a part of His perfect plan. It's so neat looking back on the day now, seeing how God knew that notice would be in the mail today, and by putting that movie in my mind this morning when I woke up and taking me to that verse in James about the mirror, I also read about His message being "planted in our hearts". I know it is a little gift from God saying He is watching over us. He knows about Phil's marker and He cares!

That is the God I serve! One who cares, One whose timing is always perfect and whose plan we can always trust!

Keep looking steadily into His perfect love! I pray for God's help to do the same!

Love, Diane