Moving

Friday, 24 May 2002

When we were getting ready to move overseas to England in 1989, I remember sitting in my living room in Fremont, California and looking around. I remember thinking, "Why are we moving? I'm perfectly happy right here". Eight years later when we moved back to California from Germany, I remember thinking that moving overseas was one of the best things we could have ever done. All the things we experienced while we were there, all the wonderful friends we made, all the things we learned. It felt good to be moving home, but we were leaving so many memories behind in Europe. When I see the movie "The Sound of Music" now, my heart yearns for the Alps and the green meadows and the sights and sounds of Bavaria. Oh, how beautiful it was there!

As I was driving home from work today looking at the hills and the beautiful trees, and the wind blowing through them, I thought of heaven and what Phil must be experiencing there. He didn't want to go. He was "perfectly happy here", just as I was in Fremont. He didn't really know what to expect, although we tried to prepare him as much as possible for the journey ahead, and the destination. But how could we do that really, when we have never been there ourselves? So much of it is trust. Trust in God, and His promises about the place He has prepared for us.

If we had the choice and could tell God exactly how we would like it to be, we might think that that would be a good idea. I would probably request a place with white sandy beaches and aqua-blue lagoons. Palm trees and sunshine, forever and ever... but what does God have planned? If my mind can imagine a place that I think is "perfect", I think about how short it falls with all that God is preparing for us. If we were given the choice between our wildest imaginings, and what God would prepare, I would have to go with God's preparation because my thinking is so limited.

Isaiah 55:8-9
As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
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If I were able to choose, I have a feeling I would be sadly disappointed compared to what others ended up with by letting God choose their preparations.

If Phil had been able to choose, he would have chosen to stay in this world with all of us. But I'll bet when he got to heaven, he was not disappointed, and he was glad that the choice was not his to make. He lives in a perfect world now. A world without sickness and sorrow and pain and disappointment. A world full of peace and joy forever and ever in the presence of the very One who created him. Phil is not disappointed.

I was not disappointed when we moved overseas. I was delighted! Everything was new and different and so interesting! It was the best move we ever made!! We loved it! And, Phil is loving heaven now.

Phil said shortly before he died, "I just wish we could all go together". He knew that he would probably soon be leaving, and he knew as much as is humanly possible that he was going to a great place, but he didn't want to go alone. I wouldn't have wanted to move overseas without my family. We shared in that experience. We still talk about it a lot today, it is part of our past, and will always be part of our lives. Chris recently went back to Fremont with his girlfriend. She grew up there. She showed him her old neighborhood and her old schools, and then they went to the neighborhood we lived in, but it did not satisfy him. It was not his home, the place that held great memories because most of his growing up years were done overseas. He looks forward to the day when he can go back to Europe and show his girlfriend where he spent his time, the places he hung out, the restaurants and the schools and the sights he enjoyed.

How could we ever regret that experience, even though I wondered why we would ever choose it in the first place when we were so happy right where we were in Fremont? I realize now, that our world was so much smaller then and we had no idea what was available having not experienced yet all that we did overseas. By going overseas, we found out how small the world really is. We can get on a plane and travel around our world in hours, or perhaps a couple of days. The people there are not so different than the people here, they just speak different languages. They still have the same joys and the same sorrows.

I remember walking around the farm where one of our German friends grew up during World War II. As my friend gave me a tour of the farm, she explained how the top of the one barn was newer than the rest of the house because it had been partially destroyed during the war.....oh boy, I thought, probably by Americans. And yet there we stood on that day side by side, good friends with one another.

We would not have experienced all these things had we not chosen to step out and try something new. To take that step of faith, so to speak, not so unlike the step of faith we take when we give our hearts to the Lord. Not really knowing all there is to know, not really knowing what we will experience, but trusting that it could be good. That it might be all that it's promised to be, and we may come away from it a totally new person. Experiencing a fuller, more satisfying life than ever before. I've certainly found that to be true. Life is different when Jesus Christ has given you the hope you so desire. When you take that step of faith and say I believe, my life is yours, forgive me for my sinful ways, and help me to follow you the rest of my days.

Phil didn't have many days to live this life. His life was seemingly cut so short, but I'm sure he doesn't mind now. He minded while he was here, just as I mind while I am here that he is not here. It hurts every day, and I long for the pain to subside. It will in time...

How wonderful it is though, to think of all that he is experiencing now. It is so far above what I can even comprehend. I long to see it also. To join him there for all of eternity, and wouldn't it be wonderful if "we could all go together". Yes, there are days like today when I am driving to work and I hope that this is the day that Jesus will come back. That this will be the last day I will have to walk this earth without Phil. That this will be the last day I will have to feel this pain. Sometimes that helps me to keep putting one foot in front of the other, the thought that I might only have to do this just one more day.

I'm ready for Jesus to come back!! More than ready! Then there will be no more suffering and no more missing. Just JOY JOY JOY!! And we can all be there together experiencing all that God has prepared for us!

John 14:1-4
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."
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I know the place. Phil knew the place. Even if we can only imagine it while we're here. I could only imagine England and Germany before I got there, but I was not disappointed. It's good to think about that when I think of Phil arriving in heaven. He must have been so pleased. It must have been so worth it. He must have felt so good.

Oh Lord, help me to think about such things. Such good things!

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.
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That is what I have to do. If I don't...if I don't....I would choose to stay in bed with the covers pulled up over my head. If I didn't have the hope of Christ, I would have no hope at all. If I didn't know that Phil loved being where he is now, I could not stand the missing him. I have to think about such things, and I have to believe that Phil is happier than he has ever been before. Even if he would have chosen to stay here with all of us. Sometimes, the choice is taken out of our hands, and sometimes we are given a choice like moving to Germany or England. Sometimes, there is no time to make that choice, it is made for us before we have time to think about it.

Now is the time, if you have not made that choice. Don't wait. Think about it today. You may think you are "perfectly happy here" and you don't need to think about such things, but think again. Tomorrow may be too late, and you don't want to miss out on all that the Lord is preparing for you in heaven. Don't get too satisfied with "here", because here will pass away. Heaven won't. It will always be there. Will you?

I don't know if Jesus will come back tonight. The day is ending, and so far, no show! :) So as we head into the three day weekend, we will enjoy the restful days. I hope you all do too!

Have a great weekend!
Love, Diane