Something Has To Die...

Tuesday, 10 Sep 2002

As I sat in Florida in my friend’s trailer at the beach, I listened to a taped sermon given by a pastor here. One who has become a friend over the years as I return to visit with my best friend from time to time. The words he spoke on the tape were words I could relate to. He taught on the Israelite’s wilderness wanderings and their eventual entrance into the Promised Land. He talked about their leaders Moses and Aaron, and the faith that was required of them to lead their people across the Jordan River when the floodwaters were flowing. They needed to take that step of faith into the river before God stopped the water from flowing downstream. He talked about God's provisions as they wandered for 40 years and he talked about Moses and what he had done that had displeased God. God had asked him to speak to the rock to bring forth water and Moses hit the rock with his stick. The water was still supplied by God, but Moses would never enter the Promised Land because of what he had done. Some may feel that was harsh, but it's only because we can't see the whole picture. God knew that something must die before they could enter the Promised Land, and that something was to be Moses.

What is the "something" in our lives that must die before we can enter into our “Promised Land”? Before we can experience the fullness of God and all of His promises in our lives? Does it have to be a person, or can it be a plan that has passed its time, a relationship that is no longer healthy, a habit that needs to be gotten rid of?

I relate to this story because part of it is very clear to me. The something that must die was my son. That may seem harsh, but only because we cannot see the whole picture yet. During Phil's illness, we were wandering around in the desert, we were lost a lot of the time and seeking God's direction like never before in our lives. We needed "water" from the rock and there were probably many times that we were beating the rock with the stick instead of just depending on God's timing for things. But just like the Israelites, we learned many things in our wanderings. We learned how to trust God and that He can be trusted. We learned to pray to Him for answers and wait on Him. We learned these things as some would say, in the school of hard knocks. And it hurt. And it was not pleasant. And we got tired. But we learned.

When it was time to leave the wilderness wanderings, something had to die. But it was not just Phil who died, although that is the obvious conclusion. What had to die were pride and stubbornness and self-sufficiency and human wisdom. What had to be born was humbleness and a willing heart, dependency on God and Godly wisdom.
Things that are opposite of what the world would want.
Things that we hold onto with all our might for way too long.
Things that make life much more difficult than it needs to be.

This is not to say these things have been perfected in our lives, in my life, but they are in the process of being refined and will be until the day I die.

This process can be spent in the Promised Land, right here on earth. We don't have to wait until we get to heaven to experience all of God’s promises.

Some may ask, what is the Promised Land? It is a place of knowing who God is, and knowing how awesome are His deeds, and trusting when trust is the last thing you would want to do. It is the place where true rest is found in the midst of difficult trials in our lives. It is the place where peace will reign when there is nothing peaceful to be found. It is knowing that God is with you when you can't feel Him, when you can't see Him, and when the world tells you you're crazy. It is where we are all meant to live our lives, but it is the place that most of us miss on our journey through this life because we are so lost in the wilderness of what we think life is.

God is our friend. He wants the best for us. He does not want us to be unhappy or worried or stressed. He wants us to relax and enjoy all that He has to offer us, if we will only receive it.

It is like me in Florida right now, spending time with my best friend. She is at work....ummmm, just as God is, and yet she has set me up here in her vacation trailer at the beach with everything I might need to be able to relax and enjoy my visit. She knows the ups and downs in my life and she especially knows how broken my heart is right now. She cannot mend my heart but she can nurture my soul and help me to heal if I will accept her kindness and generosity. God is the only One who can heal my heart and He is doing so. He will also nurture my soul and offer me peace and love if I will accept it from Him. Sometimes it is a friend that He uses to let His love shine, like right now.

My job? It is to be open, to be trusting, to enter into His Promised Land with a surrendered heart willing to let Him lead me where I need to go.

Unfortunately, sometimes for that to happen something must die. Did it take the death of my son to surrender? I don't know if it did…but I have. I do every day. I surrender.

I don't know if there was an easier way, but this is the way that God chose for me at this time in my life. And because of that, I will not live my life in the wilderness of stress and confusion. I don't have the strength for that anymore. My strength comes from God, and my hope rests in Him and it is good.

Acts. 2:25-26
King David said this about him:
"I know the Lord is always with me.
I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me!
No wonder my heart is filled with joy,
and my mouth shouts his praises!
My body rests in hope."

Verse 28
"You have shown me the way of life,
and you will give me wonderful joy
in your presence."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

God has shown me how to live my life. He has given me a taste of what the Promised Land has to offer. Will I now go back to the wilderness and rejoin that craziness, or will I stay here in what the world calls "craziness" and live in peace? I choose to stay in the Promised Land.

God knew our lives would be difficult. He didn't plan it this way but He knew it would happen. He knew we would be a stubborn lot too. He knew we would be just like children, His children, wanting our own way. But He also provided a way that we could grow up. Some don't want to. They just want to do it themselves and they will fuss and fume and turn their back on God, refusing His helping hand. That would be like me telling my friend here in Florida that I know she wants to help me during this difficult time in my life, but thank you very much...NO!

And she would step back and let me go it on my own because she loves me that much, and she would probably be there waiting for the time when I would turn back to her and ask, "Would you please help me?".

That's what God is waiting for, and even more so.

Some friends might desert us in our hour of need but God never will.

Acts 4:19-20
Now turn from your sins and turn to God, so you can be cleansed of your sins. Then wonderful times of refreshment will come from the presence of the Lord.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I like that word refreshment, especially being here in Florida in September!! A big cold glass of lemonade is delicious in this heat! I'm thankful this trailer has air-conditioning.

But what is it to be refreshed by God? It is to be washed with His peace when nothing in this world even comes close. It is to feel a pain so intensely from missing someone you have lost, wondering if it might make you go insane, and then taking that pain to God and asking Him, "Will you help me?” It is crying out those tears that can no longer be contained, and knowing that God is collecting each and every one of them for us in His bottle.

Psalm 56:8
You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

God sees our pain. God knows our pain, and God helps us through our pain by refreshing us with His Holy Spirit of comfort. Jesus said when He left us that He would be sending us a Comforter. Are you going to refuse that on a cold, chilly night of pain? I'm not. I need it! The world is harsh...I think I'll stay under the Comforter!

Acts 10:31b
The believers were walking in the fear of the Lord
and in the comfort of the Holy Spirit.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Something must die, but that does not always mean that someone must die physically. What we must die to is ourselves if we want to enter the Promised Land. We must say “Yes” to God and “No” to the parts of us that make us miserable. We need to ask God for His wisdom as to what those things are. Sometimes we just cannot see them and we think everything is fine. How can we not realize when we are miserable?…That’s a good question.

If we are not talking to someone because we are mad and our pride won't let us reconcile with them, are we really happy and at peace, or just stuck in our pride?
If we are not taking time for God each day and seeking His direction in our lives, do we even realize that we are wandering around lost and confused, or do we think all is well?
If our jobs have us stressed, if our families have us stressed, if we have no time to stop and smell the roses that God has provided for our enjoyment, are we really living the life God has called us to live?

It reminds me of the day I spent later in this same week with my friend. We were pool side at a hotel on the beach, south of where she lives, and we were just spending the day doing nothing. We were sunning and collecting shells and napping and laughing and eating and resting and watching the sun rise in the wee morning hours. We were talking and people watching and enjoying all that God provides in this beautiful world. As I sat with my feet dangling in the pool water, it seemed like God was pleased. Pleased that we had stopped long enough to enjoy the world He had created. Stopped long enough to notice our surroundings, to rest in them and in Him and to simply listen to the waves crashing on the sand. The sand that He spoke to Abraham about:

Genesis 22:17
I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous
as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The sand God created for us to stroll along and to collect seashells from and to have long talks beside and to feel the warmth of the sun on and to build sand castles in.

But...we have to stop long enough to do this. To enjoy God’s creation, to breathe in the sea air and not just drive by it on our way to get somewhere that we think we need to be because time is money…so to speak.

God is time, all the time in the world. He never hurries. He never has to. Do we? Do we trust Him enough to rest in His time frame for our lives? Do we trust Him enough to put it into His hands and not take it back because we think we know better?

When I arrived home from this trip, Jim informed me on the way home from the airport that the appraiser would be coming in the morning…!!! We are having our house appraised because we are going to be making some changes in the future.

Now, you have to realize that our house has not been the same really, since Phil died. My interest in its up-keep has slipped dramatically and it has simply become four walls that house our bodies. The contents do not mean what they used to; they are simply possessions that we cannot take with us when we go. My energy level and interest in cleaning these possessions and the house that holds them is not the same. I have other ways that I feel called to spend my time now…but the APPRAISER WAS COMING!

My first my reaction to this news was not great and Jim offered that the appraiser had said he could either come in the morning or in three weeks.

I voted for the morning. I knew that if I had three weeks to prepare I would make myself crazy. The morning it would be!

The next morning I woke up at 8 a.m. The was the night after my return from Florida where it would have been 11:00 a.m. What was I doing sleeping? I had work to do!! The appraiser was supposed to be here by late morning. I got up and started talking with God about this whole thing, telling Him how much I hated having to do this, and the pressure I felt about it, and what if the appraiser sees this house a mess and doesn't give us the value of the house that we need!! All those thoughts that wander around in our heads. God gently reminded me that if He does not build the house, the men labor in vain. What He meant was that whatever we were to get out of our house would be coming from Him. It wouldn't matter how much I cleaned and scrubbed. That brought me back to reality and I gently told Him that He knew I had to clean some though. And guess what? He even helped us do that. You should have seen the white tornado that went through this house! By 10:30 when the appraiser came, this house looked better than it has in almost ten months. I even put on a pot of coffee to add an aroma to the air and the job was finished. The appraiser came, did his thing, and left. Jim and I met in the hall, smiled at each other, hugged and thanked God for His help!

God knew. He knew I would hate this. He knew it would make me crazy. So He gave me the choice. Would I allow the appraiser to come on my first morning back and let Him carry me through this whole thing, or would I choose to put it off for three weeks, make myself crazy with the cleaning and do it on my own strength in my own way because “I know best”!? I chose God’s way and He carried me. Had I chosen my way, I would have been on my own. The result may be the same as far as the appraisal, but the journey would have been so much more difficult.

God knows us. He knows all about us. What makes us crazy and what doesn't. He knows we can't change on our own. We need His help in all things and we need to ask Him for it. He has provided it! That's why He sent Jesus to die for us. That's why He sent the Holy Spirit to strengthen us. That's why we can ask Him for help when we are at our very worst. When our lives seem beyond restoration. When our hearts seem broken beyond repair. Or simply when our pride is getting the best of us. Or our house needs cleaning!

We need to realize Church is a hospital for "sick" people. That God is the great Healer. He wants to bandage our wounds and clean out the dirt so we can heal. This world thinks God won't want us when we're dirty, only when we're good. That is the ultimate lie. When we seek Him, He will be found, and He will do the rest.

Just like a best friend who stands by our side through the toughest of days, God is a friend who never leaves us. When I open my heart to Him, when I die to myself, He pours His loves directly over the wound that bleeds and helps me want to live again, to the full.

I will walk with you all my days Lord, because any other way makes no sense to me!

The world may call me crazy, because I am...crazy about You!!

Living in His peace,
Diane