The Phone Call

Friday, 27 Dec 2002

The call...4:44 p.m., Tuesday, Christmas Eve, just before closing time.
The caller...the doctor's office, dermatology to be exact.
The reason...results of a recent biopsy.
The message...please call us on Friday.

Unfortunately the recipient, me, was not at home to receive this call. We had all gone off to the Christmas Eve service at our church, getting home after closing hours, so Friday it was...

What does one do with a message like this on Christmas Eve, let alone any other day? A friend told me she received a call like this late on a Friday afternoon and had to wait until Monday to return the call and find out what was what.

Interesting...it makes me think about the person making this call...what are they thinking? Wouldn't it have been strange if after leaving this message they had added, "Oh, and Merry Christmas to you!". That would have been almost cruel.

If it was me, if it was you, would you have even left a message had no one been home, knowing what kind of emotions this kind of message would stir up? I think it's kind of crazy, really, but these things happen, and then what?

It would also be cruel of me to leave you all hanging until the end of this message to find out the results, so I will tell you now, it's not horrible, but that was not the point. The point was the wait... The time between the message left and the answer given that can take our mind on a wild ride. A ride that can teach us many things.

The doctor's office called me first thing this morning to let me know what was what. A mole that I had had removed turned out to be A-typical, and they want to remove more of the area around it just to be sure they got all the A-typical cells. It is not cancerous, but could have become cancerous had it been allowed to remain there. They were calling to make a follow-up appointment to have this done. A simple procedure done as a safe-guard.

Why do I share this with all of you? I guess because I believe nothing happens in this life by accident. It was no accident that this call came through on Christmas Eve, and it was no accident that I was not home to receive it. It was no accident that I was given time to think about that call for 2 ½ days before finding out the results, and it is no accident that I will now write about God's lesson through it all with you. It seems that is what I have been called to do if I am to accept the gift of writing that God has given to me. I have been called to share my life with you and my walk with God with you as my part of being in the body of Christ, the "Church". Using what happens in my life perhaps to encourage others on this journey.

I enjoy it, I enjoy writing about it all, but sometimes I don't enjoy going through the "fire" very much. Getting calls like that on Christmas Eve and having to wait days until I know what is what. Sometimes, that can be so very difficult.
It takes me back to the basics.
It takes me back to the past year of living without Phil.
It takes me back to when his diagnosis was made, and how he must have felt.
It takes me to the inside of those emotions, which is very different than from the outside looking in. It helps me to know what that feels like and how vulnerable that position is, to be the one getting the diagnosis.

I knew I had missed the call for a reason, because it would stir up many emotions in me and God would teach me through them.
I believe He has, and this is what I share.

In Psalm 119:41-42 it says:

Lord, give to me your unfailing love, the salvation that you promised me.
Then I will have an answer for those who taunt me, for I trust in your word.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It seemed like the enemy was taunting me, teasing me, hanging me out to dry so to speak. After all that we have been through, he is still relentless and will be until the day we die. That is a given. The enemy will not give up, he will not pay any attention to us calling "uncle", he will not give up the fight as long as we walk upon this earth. He wants us, and he wants us bad, but he knows that he can't have us when we stay focused on our Savior, Jesus Christ.

When we trust in God's Word, when we go to the Word in our times of trouble, in the times when the enemy is taunting us, there is salvation there. There are promises there that will carry us through. It is a sure thing. It is the firm foundation we all need.

As I spent these past few days thinking about what I would find out on Friday, I knew many things for sure. I knew:
God has a perfect plan.
God is in control.
God knows each day we will live.
God knows the day we will die.
God knows all.

Even if the diagnosis had come back horrible, it would not change the length of my life. My life is already in God's hands, He already knew the results and what would follow. He already knows how long I will live and no cancer, no heart attack, no disease, no war, nothing will change the length of my life. It is already known by God.

When Phil was diagnosed with Leukemia, his chances were very good for survival. Most children go on to live a long and healthy life with such a diagnosis. They complete their treatment and that is that. Not so with Phil, because God had a different plan for his life. It was not in our control, it was in God's control from day one, from the day Phil was born until the day he died.

My Grandmother on the other hand had cancer at least three times in her life, starting back when she was in her 30's in the 1930's when not much could be done. She lived to the ripe old age of 89. Why? Because God was in control. In the '30's, she had had surgery and had been given morphine to take to keep her as comfortable as possible until she left this earth. Well, if she had taken that morphine until she left this earth, she would have been quite an addict!! She discontinued the morphine of her own choosing and went on to live a very full life, even though she then experienced throat cancer in her 60's and eventually dying of intestinal cancer at age 89. It's not the cancer that kills people, it's the number of days they are meant to live that eventually causes us to have to say good-bye to them. Cancer is not to be feared because God is ultimately in control. Healthy people die in accidents, people on their death beds recover. It's God's timing and God's way always that has the final say. That doesn't mean we have to like it, because I don't think we are ever really ready to live without someone we love, but it is comforting to know there are no accidents. God has a perfect plan, and when we trust Him, we can live in peace no matter what.

Psalm 119:49-50
Remember your promise to me,
for it is my only hope.
Your promise revives me;
it comforts me in all my troubles.
-----------------------------------

Whatever our troubles, there is comfort found in God. I can attest to this fact. I have felt such emotional pain in this last year that many times I have told others I am ready to go "home". This world is much to harsh, much to cruel and I know that heaven awaits and will be wonderful. I know that Phil is there waiting, and I know that there are no tears in heaven. But it is not to be, until it is my time.
It is interesting to be put in the position though of waiting for a diagnosis
and wondering if this is it?
Could it possibly be?
And I was wondering...
am I really ready?

On the Monday before Christmas I was at work and I had a piece of fudge that contained Macadamia nuts. I didn't realize it until I had taken a bite then I put the piece of candy down to do some work before taking another, and then I knew...MACADAMIA NUTS!! I'm very allergic to them! As the effects started I kidded with my co-workers that they were trying to do me in by giving me this piece of fudge, and we laughed as I told them I have "Do not resuscitate" tattooed on my chest! They know how much I miss Phil and long to see him again, so we laugh.
(It was only ½ a nut so I recovered!)

Then I get this call on Christmas Eve and I was not really laughing. This was strange, this position that I had suddenly been put in. This could be serious, and I was left to think on it a few days. It was good for me because I seriously had to asses the fact that I might have cancer, and what would I really do with that diagnosis? I realized how vulnerable Phil must have felt, how vulnerable anyone with cancer or some other diagnosis like it must feel. You realize that your body is not your own, that you have no control over it, and that you really are in God's hands. There are really only three things that are possible at that point.
Chemotherapy will work.
God will heal you miraculously.
Or, you will be leaving this earth.
Period.
End of discussion.

You can fight and kick and scream about how unfair it is.
You can cry and become depressed and hide away.
You can try to remain strong and do what needs to be done.
Take your pick, but your life is not in your hands no matter what. You cannot stop what is, you can not reverse the diagnosis, you cannot change anything.

BUT! BUT!! You can absolutely, positively, find peace through it all. You can find comfort through it all. You can keep your joy and stand on God's promises through it all. You can have victory assured through it all. You really can! Because...

"Death is swallowed up in victory.
O death, where is your victory?
O death, where is your sting?"
1 Corinthians 15:54-55
-----------------------------------------

Phil got cancer and cancer got Phil, but the cancer was not victorious because death is swallowed up in victory. Phil lives on in heaven better than he ever lived on this earth. His trials are over. His troubles are over. His pain is over. He is finished and he has arrived. It seems sad from our end, but it is not sad from his end. All is well with him.

1 Corinthians 15:43
Our bodies now disappoint us, but when they are raised, they will be full of glory. They are weak now, but when they are raised, they will be full of power. They are natural human bodies now, but when they are raised, they will be spiritual bodies. For just as there are natural bodies, so also there are spiritual bodies.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Our bodies do disappoint us here. Not only do we get sick, but we also get old and things start to go...you know what I mean! The eyes, the ears, the back, the strength in our hands. You name it, we are failing here.

But our heavenly bodies will never disappoint us. We will never be sick again. We will never be waiting for a phone call giving us a diagnosis we don't want to hear. We will never have to undergo treatment for any illness again. We will be finished and we will be victorious because death was swallowed up in victory when Christ died on the cross and then rose again three days later to secure our salvation! He paved the way to heaven, and all we have to do is follow the path that leads us home!

Forever, O Lord,
your word stands firm in heaven.
Your faithfulness extends to every generation,
as enduring as the earth you created.
Your laws remain true today,
for everything serves your plans.
If your law hadn't sustained me with joy,
I would have died in my misery.
I will never forget your commandments,
for you have used them to restore my joy and health.
Psalm 119:89-93
------------------------------------------------------

Everything, and I mean everything serves His plans. There are no accidents. There are no mistakes. It is all a means to an end and that end is victorious to those who believe!

Phone calls on Christmas Eve like the one I received will wake you up and get you thinking, that's for sure. But it doesn't have to steal our peace, rob us of our joy and make us miserable because there is some great unknown hanging out there. There is no "great unknown" hanging out there because God is in the know, and we can rest in Him for all things.

My life constantly hangs in the balance,
but I will not stop obeying your law.
The wicked have set their traps for me along your path,
but I will not turn from you commandments.
Your decrees are my treasure;
they are truly my heart's delight.
Psalm 119:109-111
-------------------------------------------------------

Our lives hang in the balance every day we live and the enemy likes to set traps for us along the way. He likes to give us a bad diagnosis, or simply make us think one might be on the way. He likes to do that, because he is our ENEMY! We need to be clear on that.

God is not our enemy, He is our very BEST FRIEND! Sometimes things are allowed in our life and  we may wonder where God is through it all, but if we will wait and watch and listen for Him, loving Him with all our hearts, He will reveal the good out of the bad. God does not just turn His back on us and allow these things to come into our lives without a purpose, and He does not ask us to like them, but He does ask us to trust Him through them and to rely on Him.

Come and show me your mercy,
as you do for all who love your name.
Guide my steps by your word,
so I will not be overcome by any evil.
Psalm 119:132-133
----------------------------------------

No diagnosis, no phone call, no problem in life has to overtake us. It can stun us and it can set us back a step or two for sure, but when we refocus on the One who is in charge, we can rest in Him for all things.

Your promises have been thoroughly tested;
that is why I love them so much.
Psalm 119:140
-------------------------------------------

I have thoroughly tested many of God's promises this past year, and the years previous to that. I can honestly say that God is good and He never disappoints. Even if I had gotten different news on this Friday than I had, it would not have changed where I put my trust. It would not have changed where I put my hope.

You are my refuge and my shield;
your word is my only source of hope.
Psalm 119:114
-------------------------------------

To have the Word of God to turn to is priceless. You've seen the commercials...the trip cost so much, the pictures cost so much, the food cost so much...the memories are priceless.

Our God is not only priceless, He is also free of charge to us because His One and Only Son paid the price already. All we have to do is say "yes".
That is all.
Open our hearts and say "yes".

The suffering you sent was good for me,
for it taught me to pay attention to your principles.
Your law is more valuable to me than millions in gold and silver!
You made me; you created me.
Now give me the sense to follow your commands.
Psalm 119:71-73
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Certain phone calls can help us to pay attention.
Certain diagnoses can focus our thoughts.
Certain times in our lives can draw us closer to our God, and for very good reasons.

Turn my eyes from worthless things,
and give me life through your word.
Psalm 119:37
------------------------------------

This world is not our home. We are only passing through. We need not fear the journey or the destination when we know that God is in control.

I am but a foreigner here on earth;
I need the guidance of your commands.
Psalm 119:19
-------------------------------------

Living in His peace,
Diane