Willing

Tue, 08 Jan 2002

I was just listening to a song in the car that went, "...to be willing to die, so that another may live." It started the tears flowing as I wondered if Phil had to die so that another may live. Was that the reason for his death, to show another the way? Do you realize that Phil was willing to do that for you?

John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

The song went on to say, "there is no greater love than this". Where would a young boy acquire that kind of love for another, if not from God?

Phil's death did not pave the way to heaven for you, Christ's did, and Phil's death was not the perfect sacrifice because he was a sinner, like all the rest of us. Christ was the only One who ever died a sinless death, thereby becoming the perfect sacrifice. But Phil's death was a sacrifice I believe. Why else would God have called him home at such a young age? And you know what? Phil understood this, and was willing to give up his own life to show others the way. He said as much. When Phil was baptized on April 14, 2001, my sister Karen was singing some songs and saying a few words, and one of things she did was to have Phil step up in front of everyone for a few moments. She then asked the crowd of approximately 75 friends and relatives who had gathered to witness this event if anyone there had been affected by Phil's life or grown in their faith because of Phil. Almost everyone there raised their hand as Phil looked over this "cloud of witnesses"

Hebrews 12:1
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

Some time later, Phil and I were talking about why he was going through this trial and he brought up that moment at his baptism and he said maybe that was why. How could a young boy possibly fathom the reasoning of God to use his life with this trial, so that others may know God better? Not only that, be willing to accept this trial, this responsibility given to him, as a light in this world, and with no anger. Here he was, 15½ years old, ready to be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ, confessing his faith in front of this crowd of witnesses in a God who had allowed him to endure years of treatments, years of tiredness and years of wondering if he would live or die from this disease. He was still willing to confess his love for God the Father, and be baptized in the name of His Son because that was where his hope was. That was where his peace was and where his answers were. Maybe not all the answers while still in this world, but definitely in the next. A young man, willing to lay down his life for others, to maybe show them the way. How do you refuse that kind of faith, that kind of devotion to God? And if you do, my heart hurts deeper than even in the loss of my precious son, because in the stubbornness of human nature, some would choose to not even find out if this is the truth, but simply rule it out because their pride may keep them from examining it before rejecting it. Those who love us, who love our family and who watched Phil grow from childhood into being a teenager; who watched Phil suffer and endure this disease for some unknown reason, I would think would like to get to the bottom of why that might be. We live without Phil's presence now, we must wait to see him on the other side, and simply be satisfied with our memories of our sweet son, and my heart aches to think that his life might have been wasted on some. If some consider all that God offers and truly open their hearts to His calling and then still refuse Him, that would be one thing, because we are given that free choice. But to not even look in that direction in honor of Phil's memory and out of respect for him, makes losing him even more painful. Phil was willing to die for you, he really was. He accepted that job given to him, can you accept the responsibility of watching that happen and give God a chance to use him in that way?

Yesterday I thought about Phil never walking through our front door again. Never going into his room to sleep in his bed, put on the glasses that sit on his dresser or use the remote that still sits on his nightstand. He could walk right back into our lives without hardly missing a step. Our world is still set up for him. He might notice that his dog has a new collar or that I have a few more gray hairs, but other than that, this would still be his place in the world. But he will not be doing that. Then God helped me see it another way. Phil will never walk in our front door again, but he WILL greet me as I walk through the gates of heaven. He will be there to welcome me "home", and show me the place that has been prepared for me. I hope he can welcome you too, along with all your other friends and relatives that have gone ahead of you. I hope they will be there waiting for you, and if not, you could be the first to be there waiting for the ones who come behind you. There will be no greater joy than that, just as there is no greater love than one who will lay down his life for you.

My son is gone from this earth, but he died for a reason, and that reason may be you. Christ died also, and rose three days later, to make the way for all of us. If you had been the only person on earth, He would have done that just for you, because He loves you that much. At least consider it, it can do you no harm, but it can do you a world of good!

I will miss Phil every day I live on this earth. This morning as I was driving to Bible Study, I thought about living one more day, growing one more day older, and one more day closer to seeing Phil again. It doesn't mean I won't enjoy the life I have left here to live, but I will live every day with one foot on this earth, and one foot in heaven. Never viewing this world the same again. Never viewing heaven the same way again.

Is what I write to you being bold? You bet it is! Am I totally comfortable with it? No, but I want to share the good, the bad, and the ugly with you. Phil's life deserves that much. This world offers me a lot, but it doesn't offer me the one thing I am missing most right now, my son. Only God offers that to me, and I gladly accept His offer to see my son again. What a glorious day that will be! That is good news!

Mark 16:15
He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation."

Love, Diane